*SIGH*

I went to sleep last night around 1:30am knowing I had to wake up at 6 to get ready for work. I had been on the phone with him for a couple of hours, and what was once a nice, light-hearted conversation turned into a serious, down-right...UGH conversation.

We annoy each other to no end sometimes. I know it. But what pissed me off last night is how he plays so much into these double standards and what not. Maybe he's joking most of the time, because he did ask me, "So you mad?" I said "no, not mad, just a little hurt." He said, "So you hurt?" I said, "Well, yeah...cuz you play into these double standards. You can, but I can't. I can't do what you do..." and BLAH BLAH BLAH.

The context behind that dialogue was that he made a statement. I asked him to elaborate and he wouldn't. Got a lil pissy about it, so I dropped it. A couple of minutes later, I make an assertion on an observation I made, his interest is piqued and he wants me to elaborate. I say, "No". Ask me why he goes on MUTE for like 5 minutes, I guess pitching a fit that I wasn't about to give in to him. But he knows my weakness is silence. I can't stand that shit. So after I whined for him to start talking he makes this grunt to let me know he was still on the line. I gave in y'all. I told him what I vowed to NOT tell him.

He admits he was testing me. What the test was, I don't know and probably never will know. I don't care what he says, he has a wall up and he is putting me through many unecessary trials and tribulations just to win his affection. Perhaps I already have his affection...why is he so cold sometimes? I attribute that to his double-personality. But let me get insecure about something...he goes on a damn tirade talking bout, "well, how do expect me to like you when you don't like yourself?!" Hey Hey Hey! I love me some me, in every possible way. If I get insecure sometimes, it's because a flaw has been thrown up in my face. Sometimes I have a weak moment, okay?! But I love me, and am very proud and aware of ME! HE on the other hand admits that he doesn't know himself...so how is he tryna call me out? He confuses my shy nature with insecurity which is not wise at all. He's right, face-to-face will say it all...

FUCKING GEMINI!!!!! I need to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve, but when it comes to him, I can't help it. I want him to know about every feeling that ever enters my heart about him, and I so desperately want him to feel the same way. He says it's not that he doesn't feel the same way, that I just get mad at him because he's not saying what I want to hear when I want to hear it...

This may be true, and I'm working on it... I'm trying. Y'all...I'm so sprung...somebody help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*This post may be gone by the end of the day...I'm just venting...