True Feelings

I just needed somewhere to get this out that is not facebook. This brand of honesty is not ready for facebook yet...forgive me for not starting this month off "right" or whatever that might mean, but I have to do this...

I am literally and utterly sick to my stomach. What started out as picture-perfect, unbelievable and truly a blessing has ended up being something that has potentially damaged my heart even more, and in effect caused me to have EVEN more trust issues with guys. When will this sick cycle end? When will guys STOP coming into my life, just to see what they can get, then dip if I give the wrong answer.

I have been through some weird shit within the past 2 wks, and it’s crazy, because I haven’t been in a situation like this since when it didn’t matter…and now that it’s happening again, it’s been so long that I don’t know how to deal.

First things first, however. So it all starts out with a facebook message in mid-October. The young man sending me the message happens to be someone I’d admired from afar ALL freshman year. I told myself, “It’s something about him, but he’s too damn good for me.” Little did I know just how GOOD he was. I fell deep and hard for him, because he was (and still IS) the epitome of what I wanted in a man: sexy, educated, well-rounded, responsible, funny, and most of all, a Christian. I just knew he would bring out the “woman” in me if you will. I just knew it.

We’d talk on the computer about random stuff, and then one day he made a comment which prompted me to ask for his number, which he freely gave. He got mine and that was that. I texted him once, he texted back but by then, the message was irrelevant and since that day I haven’t really spoken to him. I sent him a message on his birthday, to which he replied that he had been SUPA busy and hadn’t had much of a birthday, and then…I didn’t hear from him again.

I don’t know what to make of the situation. Should I just take it as he’s no longer interested, or should I continue to try to squeeze something, anything out of him in resemblance to an explanation? He just crossed Kappa. I sent him a message of Congratulations. No reply.



So in the meantime and between time, I cultivated minute feelings for a friend into a huge crush. And since I have always felt so comfortable around him, I got the “smart” idea to tell him. OMG…I wish I would have kept my damn mouth closed now. I didn’t know. But anyway, long story short, cuz there’s really nothing to tell at this point: He’s also SUPA busy with stuff he’s doing so he hasn’t been able to call or say much to me over the computer. Thinking about it, and how I just told him how I felt (and really got no solid response) hurts my heart and makes me want to cry. No one understands…not even the Baby.

Yeah, then there’s the Baby…all I will say about him is that he’s a GREAT friend, but lately I feel like he’s hiding something from me. Like he’s not telling me the truth. When I first started talking to him, he was very open and gave me GREAT advice, and he’s only 18…I’ll be 20 in a bout a month. His words seemed wise beyond his years and well-thought out. Fast forward to this week…and he is very short with me on the computer (which is where we talk about this stuff), and very loving and sweet in person. He warms my heart and offers a nice distraction from the other two.


This leads me to this point. I keep telling my Baby that I’m really hurt by what so-and-so did….he hurt me and so on. I keep telling him that, not knowing if I’m being truthful or not. It’s not until I actually sit down and think about it, about my situations that I truly start to feel bad, sad, miserable, and depressed. I choke on a few tears; pieces of my heart seem to crumble to the bottom of my empty stomach. I can’t eat for real these days…not much of an appetite I guess. And no, it’s not healthy, but it’s the only way I can deal right now. I pray about it though. I NEED to take it to the WORD…praying is not enough. I looked at 1 Corinthians 2:9 again today, and I just can’t help but think God has something TERRIFIC in store for me coming in the near future. Brittni and my mama claimed it, and out of all the people who give me advice, I trust them the most. I really do. Brittni has a certain spirit about her that leaves her to be objective, to think of all possibilities and angles of the situation without immediately getting emotionally attached to a situation that does not belong to her. I love her to death and it was meant for us to be friends all along.

But yeah, so with a heavy heart, I sit and wonder. I mean, people can say, “Just put it in God’s hands”…and for the most part I have. But God only helps those who help themselves, hence why I keep trying to communicate with the Kappa and told the other guy that I liked him. I keep my options open and I take advantage of opportunities as they arise. I’m just waiting on the opportunity to love someone and have them love me back.

It gets so lonely, and for the 1500th time, I don’t want a relationship. I just want a “friend”, and people with mature minds know what I mean…that “official boo”…he’s not my man (technically), but he’s always there when I need him for WHATEVER and vice versa, he’s cool with my fam and I with his, there for support in all aspects of each other’s life, respecting whatever physical boundaries have been placed…but ultimately no title…Just an intense and intimate friendship—that has the potential to be much more. But baby steps first right?

AND THAT’S ALL I’VE BEEN DOING!! But I can’t seem to make it past step 3. So now what? Mama said I should just not worry about it. It’s the holidays and negros actin funny cuz they don’t wanna buy Christmas gifts. I KNOW none of these guys well enough to be purchasing gifts for them…it’s not even that serious, so I mean, I see what mama is saying, but her logic is hella flawed. I just think one got tired of me, one is too busy for me, and the other one just doesn’t get it, and would be too busy for me.

So at this point, my romantic situation is at a stand still. Lately I’ve been making all the moves, and taking charge…which is something I’ve never had to do before. Telling dude I liked him felt good, but waiting on him to call me back for 3 days after I’d call him was not fun! And all that other jazz…

And then there’s the question of: what if they all start acting right?
I have the answer: I would choose the Kappa. And I have my reasons.

I told the guy I liked him because he is my friend, has been for a full year, and the crush that had recently developed, was weighing heavy on my heart and mind, and I felt like he should know that his homegirl has a crush on him. To which he responded, “We need to get to know each other…I know you, but I don’t know you.” Which I understand and accept…but again, no moves have been made on his part…

The ball is in their court. I’ve already served. I’m tired…and I’m tired of my heart cracking under all this pressure.

I need a break, I need my family. I even called my cuz (something I RARELY ever do) to tell her I miss her, cuz I do…See what romantic problems do for a girl (me) in relation to her family? Knowing them, they’d want this type of shit to happen to me more often…but naw, like I said, I’m through pursuing. I knew it was something that I never wanted to do, but still I was forced to, and it isn’t a walk in the park. But I guess in every girl’s life, there comes a time when she has to venture out and see if she can get a man, instead of the other way around, ya know. It was so easy back in 9th grade. All I had to do was look and smile at a nigga and I had em in the palm of my hand. That still works…to a degree…but instead of them being in my hand, they just return the smile or glance and expect me to do all the work. Whatever…I’m through. I’m done. I wash my hands of this bull shit. What ever will be will be…seriously. If you want to talk to me, you have my number, you know how and where to reach me.

--DEUCE!

WTF...naw really...what the fuck?!

What is going on?!?! I want to talk about these two guys I know...and their issues...and I hope they never find this (at least no time soon..), but I mean, what's wrong? I guess I won't focus so much on them as I don't wanna cause no drama or confusion.

I guess the topic I want to touch on is why can't these hopeless mofos just enjoy being single? Now before you think I'm being cold and heartless, let me explain...

I have this male friend (who will remain anonymous) who is always telling me about his latest relationship endeavors. No matter how much I express to him that maybe, just maybe I don't give a damn, he still manages to drop me a line on facebook telling me what's going on. Now it wouldn't bother me so much, normally...but my problem with him is...I'll tell him stuff and give him advice from a female's perspective as a genuine friend, and he (and another guy I know) will take that info and basically shit on it. They do not take heed, and frankly I'm tired of wasting my damn breath!

Case 1: Dude, don't keep coming to me tellin me that you met this girl and you think she's the one. Save that shit for someone who cares. You should know by now that I just don't give a fuck! I asked him today, HOW ARE U SO SURE THIS GIRL IS THE ONE??? Didn't you just kick one off the team a couple of days ago...you said she was the one too...Get your shit straight, or just stop coming to me with this mess.

But I think I know what his issue is...and I mentioned this in a previous post...this guy feels that (thinks that) if he tells me about what all girls he's talking to, all the females he's pulling and the play he's getting and all that shit...that i'll get jealous or some shit and start liking him...NEWSFLASH BOO, I stopped being like that BEFORE I met you! WOW! And he still hasn't caught on. And I am determined not to fall for him, because doing so would be settling for less. I'm sorry, but these things I'm saying would be also said to his face. I have no qualms about that! But yeah, he thinks he has me pegged, but he is oh so wrong.

I've been single for nearly 3 years, and he's been on-again-off-again with a whole bunch of broads. I haven't come crying to his ass yet and don't plan on it.

Case 2: I love this guy to death, I really do. And what's endearing is that he's like a little brother to me (or younger brother, my "little brother" is literally little--7 yrs old). I really feel like my words of wisdom can do this guy some good, right? Well, he's in a situation with a highly detested female on our campus (not saying I DETEST her, but she works my nerves on a constant basis). He's liked her since the moment he laid eyes on her, he also fell in love with her wild/loud/crazy personality I'm supposing. But I mean, she's shot him down since day one of his expressions of love for her, and our 2nd year into school she is still treating him like shit, if not worse than before.

And so he comes to me and two other amigas for words of advice, encouragement, opinions. We, seeing the pain this GIRL is causing him, tell him to leave her alone and move on...does he listen? NOOOPE! And I mean, we've broken shit down for him and everything, but for whatever reason, he can't seem to lose that grip. Well, I finally told him I'm tired of voicing my opinions on the situation (more like advice), and it falling on deaf ears. Sure opinions are opinions and mostly one-sided but in his situation, It's not like I'm telling him to do anything that I think will cause him pain or suffering (in the long run). But I mean, he'd rather endure that long-term pain and neglect than go ahead and be thru with her, chunk deuces, hurt a little and then start looking for someone who will truly make him happy. I told him I'm through with THAT situation and I will not be offering anymore WORDS on the subject. But because I haven't given up hope on him totally, I will listen to anything else...deeming that it doesn't end up like this here situation.

Which leads me to my final point. Why the hell can't these dudes just enjoy single life? What the hell is wrong with being single? ESPECIALLY IF UR SHIT NEVER SEEMS TO BE IN PLACE WHEN U ARE WITH SOMEONE!!! They bitch and moan about being alone, but don't know the first thing about being truly committed to someone and how to maintain a relationship (not saying I do, but I have an idea). It seems as if these dudes want to have their cake and eat it too, and buddy...maybe in real life that's how it works, but metaphorically that shit doesn't fly too often.

I can't say I'm ready to make that leap to Committment Land, yet. I HAVE A LOT GOING ON RIGHT NOW...that's why I make the situation clear with anyone who has an interest in me that I am mutally interested in. I just wanna cuddle, watch movies, chill, laugh, take walks, maybe go out sometimes-type thing with you. I don't necessarily have to be your girl...but it needs to understand that we're "something" (again...a whole 'nother post). I gotta get these grades so I can make this money; when things start to slow down, then we can settle down, ya know? EVERYBODY IS BUSY (or should be), and if you ain't I can't deal! SORRY! This type of situation sets the tone and foundation for the rest of a pretty decent, if not beautiful courtship and possibly long term relationship. But maybe I'm just living in a damn fantasy world. But seems like I got a better grip on reality than some of these mofos...ANYWAYZ...

People need to learn how to love self, before they can love someone else. Case 1 does not fully love himself, because if he did, he'd have confidence in himself (something that I find attractive), and he would have BEEN told me that he liked me. Who knows (then) what would have happened? But his ways disgust me so badly today, that he has a snowy chance in hell that I'd see what's up with him. He's the main one that needs to chill the fuck out and take some self-help/love/discovery classes! DAMN!

Case 2 doesn't love himself either, because if he did, he'd know that he's worth a hell of a lot more that that bitch gives him credit for. He'd know that he has something to offer to a girl and that she obviously doesn't see it and therefore is not deserving of him. He'd know how to decipher real from fake and who is for and against him. A TRUE friend will tell you the mother fucking TRUTH...point...blank...period. And when it comes to guy friends I don't really feel anything is at stake so I let it all out. (With girls, it's different, shouldn't be but that's another post in itself).

I promise you I tear into Case 1's ass every chance I get, because he says some of the most stupid shit and THESE DAYS tries to justify it (weakly, but nonetheless). I don't buy it tho, bro. And I mean, I'm calling this brand of truth TOUGH LOVE...I love them niggas, but they are extremely foolish when it comes to matters of the heart. I don't want to see them hurt, but a lot of the pain and anguish they experience are brought on by bad decisions and choices on their part. Very rarely do they follow my advice...

Oh and recently Case 1 came to me with a success story (so I thought). He had actually taken my advice (so it seemed, but he took stuff I said and twisted it to fit his situation...he didn't actually do what I said). Ultimately things didn't work out, cuz the girl wasn't for him in the beginning. He can't blame it on me because he started dating chick a wk after meeting her....whatever...

Word to the wise: take time to get to know some of these girls before you start getting all excited or boosting up they're heads about what you can/will do for them. In the end, the time it takes for you to get to know them and figure them out will be well worth it when you have that "ultimate" prize on your arms" --this goes for ladies too!

And I'm out!

Back In the Day Music Post

I am so in love with Luther Vandross and his music. My mother is a huge fan of Luther, so it was only natural for me to take after her in that respect. But even I, at the age of 19 can appreciate the depth and richness of Luther's voice. He has one of the most angelic, unflawed voices I have ever heard. I LOVE U LUTHER and MISS U SOOOO MUCH!!! You were supposed to sing at my wedding, boo. It's okay because I will be playing and possibly singing some of your songs myself that day. This song I'm about to post is called, "So Amazing"...

Funny story: I was lying in my bed one night trying to get to sleep. All of a sudden a tune pops into my head. "Love has truly been good to me, not even one sad day or minute have I had since you've come my way"...and I couldn't get it out of my head. Next thing you know I'm looking up lyrics and trying to find a free download (which I have been unsuccessful). I'll be buying it on iTunes in a couple of days. But anyway, here is a video of Luther V. performing this beautiful song LIVE. This song, along with "Here and Now" will be played at my wedding.

R.I.P. Luther!!!!

This is SOOOO CUTE!!!

TELL ME IT AIN'T!!!

You're getting on my nerves...

I'm sorry...I have to air this shit out cuz it's getting ON MY LAST NERVE!!!! When I tell you that this mess is bothering me...it truly is. Not only does it make me uncomfortable, it upsets me and all I wanna know is why?

I don't wanna see no crying and hear no bitching about why these folks choose to hide this mess. It's not like people don't already know or suspect. Ask anybody and they say, "Go figure", or even, "DUH". Yet you say you don't care...well obviously you do if you're creeping around in the dark, hiding behind facebook saying you're into something that you're REALLY NOT...

I could give two shits if you are a male interested in a male...I really could. What you choose to do in your personal life has no direct affect on me...UNTIL YOU START TO FREAKIN LIE ABOUT IT...THEN I HAVE A PROBLEM. And don't say, "I just don't want people all up in my business..." Buddy, that shit was breeched a long time ago when you chose to act the way you do. MAYBE, some of you can't help the way your voice sounds or the way you walk, or your mannerisms...but some of y'all...DAMN....REALLY?!?! And wanna get mad if somebody asks you, but then turn right around and embrace that shit in the dark.

What's done in the dark will come to the light. Some of you who think you have the wool over our eyes are the one's who are the fools. I promise you, I don't judge you because of your sexuality. All but maybe 3 of you I am EXTREMELY fond of and love you to death and what you do in the bedroom really has no bearings on my life. But please don't try to play me like a shawty...PLEASE!!!

When I say that your lying hurts me, I really mean emotionally, because you and I both know that YOU are not attracted to me. But I see you trying so hard to hold back a comment on how fine another dude is...or who you think is cute. And as much as it hurts you...it's hurting me. Cuz I know that you are fighting a battle within yourself to keep quiet about your true feelings. I KNOW HOW THAT FEELS!!! But that shit is damaging to your health! You don't have to tell me...just stop lying and denying all together tho.

When you hurt, I hurt and that's what friends are for...literally. Even if I'm not your closest friend, if I have a general interest in your well-being, I don't like to see you in pain. I don't get joy out of seeing others in misery or sorrow. But I see your inner turmoil and it's taking a toll on me as well. You smile on the outside DAILY...and have one of the most beautiful smiles, may I add...you all do, but inside I know you hurt like hell.

STOP LYING TO YOURSELF AND OTHERS...is all I'm trying to say. I've seen enough TV to know that it's not easy for you all to take that BIG step (especially some of you), but this is just a plea for a change of mind...for you to think about it, be real with yourself, and just step out on faith in the one you claim to love so much...WHO WILL LOVE YOU IN SPITE OF!!! If family and friends can't understand or don't want to...forget them (again that will be hard). But know that you have one friend that's still on your side!!! Don't let anybody tell you you won't be successful. Keep doing what you do, and again if you believe in the same GOD I believe in, then you have nothing to worry about but judgement day...

This is one of those posts where I could go on and on...but I won't because I feel this isn't the first or last time I will need to revisit this topic...anyway, lemme go...I'm not feeling too well right now...*chunks deuces*

Ummm...Hell naw...

So um, are some of these guys kidding me? Are they seriously going to run around and beg to be chased? In my opinion, none of them (except my object of desire) is worthy enough to be chased. They have the game twisted horribly and need a freakin reality check and some private lessons from some real men. Makes no damn sense how many girls wanna get with these niggas, and all they do is smile and nod...THAT'S IT, and I kid you NOT!!!

When they see girls coming their way that they don't know, or don't hang with regularly, what do they do...? SMILE and M&Fin NOD...a hot mess...I have no time for that.

My parents were old fashioned in their courting. My dad spotted my mom, asked his football coach about her (his football coach was my mom's aunt's baby-daddy), they prolly talked a while and then exchanged digits. I know mama used to tell me daddy would ride over to her house from campus or his apartment ON A BICYCLE and visit her. My mom saw something special in him for doing that...Many men would have been too embarrassed to court on a bike...he could have asked one of his homeboys to drop him off...But all that didn't matter! What mattered is that he wanted the girl...that's ALL that mattered.

These days, the trifling negros I come into contact with on a daily basis are more concerned about their "waves", their jewlery, their cars, and clothes...how many stacks they got and who they're impressing...They want the females they are interested in to be thinking and worrying about the same thing (and we all know females can take that kind of shit to a whole 'nother level). But how the hell is that gonna work out when you got two self-centered materialistic mfers, no one is concerned about the passion and chemistry in the relationship--if that person can treat you right or make you smile...naw...they worried about who gone look the best when they go to the Continental that weekend. GET OFF!!!

I can attest to the fact that this is indeed a rant, but I'm highly disliking what I'm seeing around my campus and around my hometown. Negroes...take a step back and look at some things realisticly. SOMEBODY HAS TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE SUSTAINING AND MAINTAINING OF A RELATIONSHIP...that's why that shit don't ever work!! (Jessyca, here's the answer to your question, boo right here!). Worried about the wrong damn thing!

I was on somebody's myspace the other day, looking at one of those surveys we all like to take. When the part about what he likes in a female came up, most of responses were "hers"...when they asked what kind of body type, he answered "hers", when they asked what eye color he answered "hers"... It was a beautiful thing to see that he is interested in her--FOR HER. She ain't gotta come to him with stacks on deck, she ain't gotta be the flyyest thing walking. If he sees "her" and likes what he sees, then it's all about her. That shit just really touched my soul! And I mean, we all have specificities and ain't nothin wrong with that, technically. But it just boggled my mind that this guy has it all figured out. I believe that survey showed where his mind is at and that he knows how to treat a girl. WHOEVER snags him is going to be one LUCKY ass female! That is a promise.

But yeah, there are more thoughts swimming through my head about this topic, but I think it's about time for me to get ready for church...so I'll HOLLA when I get the chance! ONE!!!

I thought about it and...

*this is the spoken word piece I was talking about...I wrote it a couple of nights ago when I really got to thinking about some situations I've been thru with guys. This piece is specifically about 3 different guys in 3 different stages or points in my life...Hope you like it!*

Life is too short to pass up opportunities to get to know someone
Life is too short to decide it’s not worth it to smile and say hello
I, myself am tired of wondering “what if”—I really am
I deserve to be happy too
Like she said…I just want someone that I can be happy about seeing everyday
That’s all I want too…
And low and behold, I spot you, take interest and wait
And wait, and wait, and wait, and wait
Throw hints, make remarks
Secretly (so I think) investing so much time on my appearance
“Changing”, in a way, all to impress you
All just to get you to GLANCE my way…
It’s tiring and I cry about it
I beat myself up about it, and wonder why?
What’s wrong with me? How come I can’t get him to see?
Did I ignore your feelings back then?
Was I oblivious to YOUR advances?
I apologize…
Karma’s no joke.
Now you’re happy, and with another…or you were with her all along
Dare I say it
Oh well, nothing I can do about it
“How you get him is how you lose him”
She said that too, and it’s OH SO TRUE
I’m deciding to take it slow
Focus on me, getting my life straight
Making a checklist of things about ME I want to change—for me—this time.
There’s a lot wrong with me, but I never claim to be perfect
Or anywhere near it
I’m vulnerable, shy, sensitive, and a bit paranoid
And…
Yes, I’m boy-crazy
I’ve discovered that’s some of the problem
BOY-CRAZY…yeah…I can be crazy about them, without acting on it
And then it happens.
O….M…G…
Never thought…and wondering how and why
Am I deserving?
Then she asks me, “Why do people receive a blessing and still question God?”
I felt bad, cuz she’s right
He didn’t have to do it, but He did
And now I feel special again, in the context of feeling “liked”
Or whatever
I go with the flow…hoping that the current takes me on a looooooooong journey
With Prince Charming
One that I’m willing to go through the good and the bad for
Maybe that’s the problem right there…Prince…who?
Nevertheless…
It’s amazing and I hope things stay this way for a while
Or better yet progress
I used to like you
Maybe I still do
But damn it, if I can’t get you to see it, let alone understand it…
Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids
And I’m so tired of the games
YOU’VE GOT TO KNOW…really…
You don’t?
It’s not obvious?
Always been afraid of rejection
And seems like you know that
And you’re capitalizing on that
You want me to come out and say it
To tell you how I REALLY feel…
3 words…

WON’T BE ABLE!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOOS!!!!

Happy Birthday Shout-outs are in order for the following special people in my life!!! *note: you are "special" to me if your name gets put on my calendar in my room...if I add you on for a reason, but you only show up for a year...doesn't really mean you're special. There are a few exceptions...*

Happy Birthday to my ROOMMATE KASEY, who turned 21 on Nov. 1st!! Hope you had a blast...well, I'm pretty sure you did, cuz you told me the next morning you were SOOO hung over!!! Alright now! DO IT BIG!

Happy Birthday to Little Elliot, my god brother (Nov. 8th)! He's either going to be 11 or 12 this year, I'm thinking 12 tho. I remember when he was a baby!!! Hope you have a grat one, boo!

Happy Birthday to Janay C. (Nov. 10th), an old childhood friend who will be leaving her teens this year and turning 20!!

Happy Birthday Hanae, one of my DIAMONDS! She turns 19 on Nov. 13th. Have a GREAT one girl!

Happy Birthday to Jaenelle who turns 20 on Nov. 19th. She's a sweet heart! Enjoy your day!!!

Last but not least, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CHRIS J. and JESSYCA!! They both turn 20 on Nov. 30th! We'll make sure Jessyca does it big, but hope Chris has a fantabulous day!!!

Happy birthday to a special someone who also celebrates his b-day in November. Hope your day is blessed!!! *wink*

This rounds off my b-day well-wishes! I shall holla in a few! ONE

I AM SOOOO SORRY

Hey y'all...I wanna apologize for the TOTAL neglegence and lack of posts in the month of October. SO much has been going on and I have TRULY been busy. This month promises not to be any better, so I want to write at least something while this month is just starting (and it's the weekend). Okay so all that stuff I told y'all I was gonna tell ya...won't be able. It's just too much and too far gone to even try to BEGIN to explain. I will say that the fam came up last weekend for the MAGIC CITY CLASSIC (ASU vs. AAMU) and I had a really fun time. I went to the Continental for the first time and I got to stay at the Double Tree Hotel.

From what my friends are telling me, they had a lot of fun back on campus as well. I'm glad.
Lately I've just been really busy with school work, not too much time for social activities til the weekend. This week coming up is gonna be a HOT MESS, not looking foward to it. I'm an officer of Alpha Lambda Delta Honor Society, a member of the Minority Scholars Program, a member of the Camille Armstrong Memorial Scholarship Stepshow Committee, and I'm attempting to be apart of UAB's chapter of NAACP. On top of that I am in the Gospel Choir and I decided to do Angel Tree for this little girl this year. So yeah, I got a lot goin on, plus the regular academic stuff...and we can register for classes this week too, so I'm stressed about that. Not only do I need to meet with Nate (my advisor) to talk about classes, but we also need to discuss and do my graduation plan and write down the classes I've taken since I started college...WHOOOOOOO...*sigh*

But with every dark cloud there is a silver lining...that silver lining for me is more than likely always going to be some boy...but in this case...a BONAFIDE GROWN ASS MAN!!! I am SOOO happy....and we're not even dating or really talking. He just randomly friended and messaged me on facebook, and I've been floating ever since. He really has no idea how happy he makes me...just thinking about his NAME puts a smile on my face.

He's the most mature, kindess, most sophisticated, intelligent, Christ-centered young man I have EVER known. I don't have to worry about corrupting him, because I myself am not THAT bad, lol... He really has inspired me to be a better person and a better Christian...the Fabolous and Ne-Yo song really comes into play in this situation.

But anywayz, I'm just going with the flow. I wrote a spoken word piece to express some of the feelings I've been going thru with the whole "man" situation...I'll post it soon.

Roommates are roommates...can barely live with em, but it'd be DULL without em. Happy Late b-day to my roommate and sidemate Kasey!! She's 21 now! Tip one back for me boo, cuz I don't drink! lol...Anyway, this was just a kind of piece-together-the-time post, since I've been absent for a whole month. I will be back asap with the birthday post and with the spoken word piece...and maybe some other stuff.

Oh and Imma try to get holidays up as soon as I can! Alright, luv ya!! I'll HOLLA!!!

Long-Awaited Tatt Pics...

So...here they are...enjoy!!! --Outline of my tat...see the needle on the table back there?
It's on my inner calf...sexy ain't it...it ain't finished yet, boo!

Chell's belly-button ring!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHUNG, KETURAH, and JOCELYN!!!!

September is a sparce month for birthdays among my friends. Only 3 of them celebrate a birthday this month!

Happy belated birthday to my Asian boo, Phung a.k.a. Phumy. She turned 20 on September 3rd...no longer a teen anymore!

Also, Happy Birthday to Miss Keturah, who will turn 20 this September 11th!

Last, but not least, happy birthday to Jocelyn who also turns 20 this year on the 13th of this month! We probably will go skating to help her celebrate!

Happy BIRTHDAY to all my girls! I wish you many, many more!!! LUV YA!!!

--Candice

DOIN IT BIG!!!

WE'RE DOIN IT "REAL BIG" IN THE MONTH OF SEPTEMBER...Like the "big" changes?? lol...if not, who cares...anywayz

This post is just a quick heads up that I will be devoting most of my afternoon today (9/7) on updating this blog. Sorry for the neglegence and lack of posts...I'm a busy,busy woman. I will be posting the long awaited tatt pics as well as Chell's belly button ring pic. I have a lot to discuss...I have to tell y'all about my roommates, what's goin on with my fam, some shit goin on with some folks back home that is just utterly disturbing....

then to the good...MY NEW SCHOOL YEAR THAT I AM THOROUGHLY ENJOYIN, the FRESHMAN GUYS (they all seem to be fine as hell), "MY GUYS", my secret crushes and more...I'm going to reveal all...sort of...but yeah, stay tuned, man...cuz I got a lot of shit to air out! I may even post my "note" from facebook titled, "Eye Twitch"...whoo...just wait... But anyhoo, I'm headed home to Montgomery tomorrow, so be lookin out for the updates.

P.S. Birthday shout-outs will be posted tomorrow as well :-) (even the belated ones like Phumy). Aight then, it's time for me to turn in now. I have a 10:00 class...I'll HOLLA!

I LUV MY UAB

Just wanted to let y'all know I'm back at school, b ut not quite back on the grind yet. Classes start on Wendesday. But anyway, I'll come back later and give a brief synopsis on my first day back in da Ham and what I hope will go down this first week of school. Hopefully I will update every night to tell y'all what's poppin...but who knows. Well, WTYS!

Back In the Day Music Post

WOW!!!! Man, I'm a HUUUGE fan of all types of music, especially old school shit, and 90's hits from the likes of Boys II Men, Dru Hill, Mya, Aaliyah, even P. Shitty when he was Puff Daddy and Mase. Well, I sing a lil bit, and I tend to remember random parts of old songs. They get stuck in my head for days until I start humming out hooks. Urges get so strong to hear the whole song that I eventually download it on limewire.

Well, Miss Mya ("My Love is Like Whoa", "Take Me There", etc) is trying to come back out with a brand new single titled "Ridin'". Now truth be told, I am kinda skeptical as to if it is really her singing. I mean, Mya's voice has never been really strong (not that the female singing "Ridin"'s voice is), but hey it could indeed be her. There are certain parts in the song when I'm like, "Yeah that's her" and others where I'm like WTFITS (who the fuck is this sista)?! Anyway, Ashanti is supposedly on a new Jagged Edge track but the chick singing doesn't always sound like her either. I mean, sure your voice can change over time, but damn...these folks evolved THAT MUCH vocally? And to be honest these evolutions really did nothing for their voices...*cough* LOL...

Anyway, back to Mya. So I had the song "It's All About Me" in my head all last week. When I got home I decided to download it. Been bumping it every night since Sunday. Mya has a decent voice. Some of my favorite tracks by or featuring her are: "Best of Me (remix)" with Jay-Z, "Take Me There" with Blackstreet, "Ghetto Superstar" with Praz, "My First Night with You", and "My Love is Like Whoa"....and of course "It's All About Me" with Dru Hill's Sisqo.

But who knew that Mya had some other shit I would start bumpin on a daily basis. The songs I got stuck in my head now HAVE TO BE as old as Mya's career, but they are catchy and cute at the same time. I don't know if any of you have heard these songs, but if not, preview them on limewire. They're not bad at all. The names of the songs are "If you died I wouldn't cry cause you never loved me anyway" ft. Dru Hill (I know that's prolly not the name but that's what limewire said) and "No More Tears (on my pillow)". Both of them are about broken hearts (which I'm not experiencing at the present moment, but I can relate), and "Never Loved Me Anyway" (short title version) is obviously a "die nigga, die" type songs. And Miss Mya doesn't try to hide that fact, or that she's hurt...especially with lyrics like, "I hope you die, I HOPE YOU DIE!" and "You can get struck like ligthening, washed away by the sea, burned in a fire, just don't bring it back to me." (which is my fave part of the song)...

*sigh* but yeah...check those out...any girl is sure to like them if you are remotely interested in Mya. And don't forget to peep out her new song "Ridin". It's catchy, funky, and crazy--and has been deemed by some as the Stalker Anthem of 2007...much like "In My Mind" by Heather Headley was for '06...lol haha...But I'll HOLLA!!!!

Lyrics to Mya's "Ridin" via sing365.com

(V:1)

It's been five hours since you left here boy

Said you were goin' round the block, had to make a stop

So I kept your dinner, hot-hot-hot

And I've been waiting for you ever since, it's 3 in the morning yeah

But 3 turns into 4 and 4 turns into five

Then 6 rolls around whatchu tryna do, baby, make me cry?

I don't know what I did, but I know what I'm gonna do

I'm gonna find you

Chorus

I'm ridin', I'm ridin' past yo mommaz house

You got me ridin', I'm ridin' past yo boys' house

You got me ridin', I'm ridin', I'm ridin' tryna find you

Baby you got me out here lookin' for you,

I'm ridin, I'm ridin past that bitch's house

You got me ridin', I'm ridin' by all yo ex's house

You got me ridin', I'm ridin', I'm ridin' tryna find you

Baby you got me out here lookin' for you I...

(V:2)

When you stepped to me, you had nothing

But the shoes on your feet, no place to sleep

So I let you lay yo head on my pillow

You didn't have a dime, so I helped you find your grind, yo ass is just a waste of time

And I played the fool for you, it's 3 in the morning yeah

And it's not weekend, o ho

But 3 turns into 4 and 4 turns into five

Then 6 rolls around whatchu tryna do, baby, make me cry?

I don't know what I did, but I know what I'm gonna doI'm gonna find you

Chorus

(Bridge)

I been sippin' on Red Bull so there ain't gon' be no sleep tonight

Not gonna let you go oh no, without a fight

See you're the type to make a girl do things she know ain't right

5 gallons of gas, and I'm drivin fast

Where you at, where you at, where you at

Chorus

(Vamp)

It's 3 in the morning

It's 4 in the morning

It's 5 in the morning

Where you at, where you at, where you at

(repeat and fade)

LIL Man is GROWING UP!!!!!!

I don't have much to say here, other than these "lil" boys (child rappers turnt grown men) are growing the hell up and looking TASTY in the process. Bow Wow gets no love from me, but Romeo (Percy Miller Jr.--Master P.'s son) DOES!!!! Check out these pics from a recent photoshoot.

--Pics via Crunk and Disorderly (link in Favorite Blogs Section).

**Edit to add: On the post titled, "My Life's Devotion to a Light-skinned Man", I had Romeo as # 9 out of my top 10 sexiest light-brights...brother should at least be #6 or #7...He definitely looks better than Spectacular from Pretty Ricky, who is (these days) lookin a little Fruitacular!!! LOL--DEUCES!

LAST DAY OF WORK!!!

I can hardly believe that it is the middle of August, already. Seems like just yesterday I was saying, "Good Morning, it's August 1st!" Damn, where does time go? I really feel like summer just got started, and here it is the end...well at least for me.

Today marks my last day at work and I am SOOOOOOOOOOO glad! I love my job (been working here for two summers now), but I'm more in love with my school and I'm ready to get back to it! My second year promises to be an exciting, busy, fun, and interesting one. THERE IS SO MUCH TO GET INTO THIS FALL!!! Deltas, Ques, and Kappas are back on the yard! I'll be applying for the Minority Scholars Program soon, my first "task" as an acting auxillary member of Alpha Lambda Delta (Freshman Honor Society--an office I received last semester) begins as SOON as I get back to school!! There's so many other things going on too...

Like new roommates, a new dorm, a new year in Gospel Choir (we record in November), chances to make new friends, a new FOOTBALL season (I love ASU and UAB football even tho both teams sucked last year). I've made plans to become more involved on campus and I have a few tricks up my sleeve as to how I'm gonna do that. I also plan on becoming more socially interactive with my peers (that means GOIN TO THE CLUBS AND PARTIES). But I will still maintain my study ethic and "procastinating perfectionist" ways. I'm weird like that, but I think I can balance it...

It'd be nice to have a boo soon, but I'm not rushing anything cuz I don't want to get just any-old-body...A good B-U-D-D-Y would be nice. But yeahhh *sigh* I've already started packing and getting my ish in order as best I can. I still have shit to buy tho...(A MESS)...and I'm facing a transportation dilemma when it comes to getting my stuff up to Birmingham. And oh, let's not even talk about how I don't even know what floor I'm staying on! My dorm needs to get on its job!

UAB took forever getting the roommate assignments up so it was all of August 8th or 9th when I found out who I would be rooming with. I don't know any of the girls, and one of them is a junior *sigh*...I just hope no drama arises because of the age and "maturity" difference. There shouldn't be a difference, come to think of it. And I don't know which girl I will be sharing a side with.......As you can see, I have a lot on my mind right now...and I'll prolly be this way for a long time, but I'll be okay!

Tomorrow I'm set to get up with two of my DIAMONDS and hang out one last time before we head out across the southeast to our respective universities. We are supposed to be going out for ice cream...which is a treat much needed given the triple digit temperatures Alabama has been seeing for the past two weeks! But yeah...

PSA: DRINK WATER PEOPLE! IT MAY SAVE YOUR LIFE! IT'S HOTTTT OUT THERE!!! (i need to take my own damn advice too).

Tatted UP

Guess what, folks?! I got tatted up while on vay-cay *Shout-out to Lizzie at David's Counter Culture*. It's my very first tattoo and I am so excited about it! I seriously want about 3 more. My experience was cool. I mean, when I first got to the shop I was having second thoughts, but then this red-haired lady came up to me and asked me what she could help me with. I took it as a sign that God approved of me goin head and getting it. How this lady gone walk straight up to me and bypass all the folks that were in front of me (unless management told her to do that cuz I'm black...we were in GS).

Everybody I tell is surprised. They say, "GIRL, WHAT? YOU? You so goody-goody...I can't believe it!" And you know I'm over here rolling my eyes right? For the people who thought mama and daddy was gone trip and act the fool, they were okay with it. Mama took me to the shop and watched me get it done and everything. Daddy protested at first, but I quickly got him told on how tattoos don't define who you are as a person. You define the tattoo. I think he is still disappointed, but he can't lie and say it ain't pretty. (And it's really simple, has a definite purpose, and ain't all big and gaudy)

The tattoo itself is my nickname given to me by my granny (mom's mom) ~Candy Cane~. My granny has only called me by my God-given name maybe twice in my 19 years...so Candy Cane is what I am to her. The tatt is in cursive letters on my inner calf. I chose the location for several reasons, but the main one is because that's where I wanted it...that simple. This specific tattoo is actually part of something greater (continuation piece). I will be adding on to this tattoo for a while. The next installation will be two candy canes interlocked to form a heart.

Anyway, I love my tattoo!!!! Oh and it didn't hurt that bad. I mean, I do have a high tolerance for pain, but it really wasn't that bad...I PROMISE. So if anyone is thinking of getting one, but is skeptical because of the pain factor, all I can say is MAN UP! lol....if u really want a tatt, you should just go for it...I know I (Ms. Goody Two Shoes) did!

Also, I wanna mention that my cuz Chell got her belly-button pierced the same day and it turned out nicely. I will have pics up ASAP.

P.S.
I was in a Journeys store and saw a shirt that said: "Jesus loves me and my tattoos" haha! Yes He does! If I see that shirt again, Imma get it!

Black & on the Beach

So I took my vacation last week, and trust me, it was much needed! I only visited this blog once and I see I have some maintanence issues to tend to. *sigh* Although this vacation was much needed and deserved, I felt uncomfortable about 55% of the time I was there.

Now my family and I have journeyed to Orange Beach for 6+ years, and have lodged in the Phoenix properties for all but one of those years. Each year has in turn presented a new problem to me but with the same background. YT (whitie) don't want us there! But I'm forever like WTF?! That beach we go to is a public mother fuckin beach and no one has the right to THINK we're not supposed to be there. You can think that shit, but it ain't gone get you no where...

Anyway, Gulf Shores, and especially Orange Beach is full of people who don't like blacks. I mean, you should have seen the looks on their faces when my family showed up at a location they probably thought blacks would never be able to find or afford. Well, GOTCHA BITCH! We came in full effect (20+ deep) and stayed in those expensive ass condos for a whole 8 days...We all ain't on welfare, in jail, or dead!!! We work hard to do it big, and I know for a fact my family has worked their ass off to earn that damn vacation! We start saving for the next year's vacation right after getting back from the previous.

Man, when we got to POB II, we had YT folk staring, glaring, and gauking. Little YT kids were looking frightened...lookin like they were gonna piss their pants. My folks wanted to get loud and reckless right there, but I and a few others insisted that we ignore and avoid them all together. To no avail, however! And now I realize that running away from the problem would have been a cop-out and a waste of a perfectly good vacation. I was not about to stay locked up in 307 the whole trip.

Me, being non-confrontational, I stayed "in my place" until that fateful Tuesday night when one of them lil YT mother fuckers thought they was gonna get smart. Me and my two cousins were in the pool still swimming (the adults had already gone up to the condo). I was back-floating and next thing I know, I hear one of my cuz's go "OUCH!" I lift up immediately and I see my cousins looking up, so I do the same. Tell me why two lil YT boys are up on the top floor of the property, throwing shit down into the pool at us...YOU KNOW THEIR FOLKS WERE PROLLY UP THERE RAGGIN ON US (prolly since Sunday when we first got there)! It's at this point all hell in me broke the fuck loose. I was trying to keep my cool despite the looks and snide remarks, but damnit if that shit didn't send me over the edge!

I could tell the lil muhfuckas were young, probably between ages 7-9. I saw them looking content like, "Yeah we scared those niggers!". I rolled my eyes so hard I swear they could have rolled right out of my damn head! My cuz Chell (17) went on a cussing tyrade (all kinds of "fuck this and mother fuckin that") as I got my ass out the pool. The water wasn't cooling me down any more. I'm actually glad Chell cussed out loud for the YTs to hear, because I believe up to this point they felt like we were what...*gasp* scared of them or something? BITCH PLEASE! Once I started cussing it was all my cousins could do to stop me.

What really got me 38 hot was when I heard one of the lil mother fuckers say, "Ay YOU"...

First of all, bastard, my name ain't no damn "AY YOU", neither is that either of my cousins' names. GET OFF...leave the racism to your parents...and I WISH their folks would have started some shit. I would have made my way right up there to 812 and kicked some pale ass! When that fucker said, "AY you" I knew that he KNEW what he had done and that he was trying to egg the situation on further like the little jackass that he is.

So we (my cousins and I) are cussing and fussing amongst ourselves (my cuzs are still in the pool), when this nice white lady comes up and asks if we were having problems, and if someone had thrown something at us (she saw us looking up). We explained the situation to her and she seemed genuinely concerned. Her words were, "You shouldn't take that crap!" And by crap I assume she meant racism. But be for real lady, there's only so much we could have done. She insisted that we report the little bastards and we did (but I heard nothing else of the incident, whether they had been reprimanded or whatever). She was one of the few nice openminded people we met this year while in the area. We met these two lil white girls the day before and they were cool, but the last day we saw them, they acted like they didn't see or even know us... But I figure since another black family had arrived on that same Tuesday (we saw them last on Wednesday) the little girls probably felt we all looked the same and opted to save themselves the embarrassment by thinking the family was us.

But my case in point is that regardless of these people's feelings towards us being at "their" vacation spot, we paid our money to be there just like some of them did. We didn't win the trip and we ain't never been on no fuckin time share, so they can GET OFF!!! My fuckin money is green just like theirs and I can spend it just as well as any of them can! My mother fuckin blood is red JUST likes theirs, as well. Let my anatomy teacher (who is white) tell it, we are 99.9% THE SAME! The only difference (if you want to call it that) is the pigment and tone of our skin. And bitch, if you hate my skin color so much, why is it that half of these muhfuckas run to the sun or a tanning bed to GET LIKE ME??! HUH? And don't give me that shit about, "the sun is good for you" BULL SHIT! Some of y'all can't get enough, and it gives most of y'all skin cancer...where's the benefit in that?

Wise the fuck up and let go of this 1500s-1950s slave master mentality! Black folk done came up in the world and if that means that we'll be frequenting your lil precious beaches, then mother fucker, so be it. Get used to it and get over it! We'll be back, same time, same place. Mark your calanders so you can avoid us! :-P

Disclaimer: this post is not aimed at all white people in general, but the racist mother fuckers (patrons and condo staff) who frequented the Phoenix on the Bay II this past week. If you feel hurt or embarrassed by my words, please remember that they are just that...my words, thoughts, and opinions. If you don't like what I write, for future reference, I suggest you keep it moving...

--SHY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUANITA AND TINKY!!!!

Quanita, one of my best friends since I was 1 year old, is 20 today! She's really more like family, so we claim cousins. She's such a sweet girl! I went out to Rainbow and Steve&Barry's and got her some gifts! She deserves to do it big on her day. I believe we're going to the movies to help her celebrate!! Have a WONDEFUL DAY Quan!!! Luv ya.

Also, since I won't be making a posts at all this coming week, I wanted to wish my Auntie Benita a.k.a. Tinky a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! She will be 38 tomorrow (8/5). We'll be heading to the beach tomorrow so I KNOW we gone do it big for her tomorrow!

And that's all my B-day shouts for now...WTYL!

To make up for the Holidays I will "miss" while on vay-cay

While I'm on vacation, there are a few holidays I won't be able to cover. The only reason I'm taking my lap top is so I can keep my iPod charged and burn CDs.

The first Holiday I will miss is Sisters and Frienship Day. I have made 3 posts about friendships, so make sure to check them out if you already haven't. On this day, August 5th, please get together with your friends and sisters (biological, sorority, sisters in Christ, play-play, whatever), and do something fun. Go out to eat, go to a movie, go to the club. DO SOMETHING TOGETHER. True Friends last a LIFETIME, I'm telling you. Make a point to call or email friends who live far away from you to let them know they've been on your mind. K.I.T., if you will. Buy cards, candy, and/or balloons for friends or sisters. Everyone probably has at least 1 of each (under my definition).

The second is National Underwear Day, which is observed on August 8th. The only thing I can glean from this holiday is to make sure you have on clean, hole-free underwear when you go out that day. Also, it'd be fun to buy some new lingerie, ladies. Or some new boxers, fellas...Think about it, it's an investment in "preserving your sexy" and your dignity.

August 12th is International Youth Day. It is a Sunday, so if you know a young person who does not attend church, or you are one of those people, invite them to go to church with you or go to church with a friend or relative. Afterwards, sit down for a nice lunch or dinner in a restaurant (not McDonalds). It's Youth Day, so this day is for the kids!!! Also, youth, take this time to enjoy what so many people covet and pay money to get back to. Go ride a bike, take a walk in the park, go skating, go skinny-dipping (umm...maybe not). We're always complaining about not having a day...well, here it is. Do it big on your day! It only comes around once a year! Oh and as far as what is considered youth, man, if you're 55 and you think your 15--I say DO YOU!! If you are confident and vibrant enough to roll with the youngins, you deserve this day as much as they do!!


Last but definitely not least...

From August 10th-12th, I and others will be celebrating Kool-Aid Day! Nuff said...Kool-Aid is the shit, and the mascot is funny as hell (yet weird and destructive). Take this time to make you some kool-aid to quench your thirst instead of drinking water (shit, it's only 3 days). Make up new flavors and if you're bold, set up a "lemonade-style" stand and sell your concoctions. I know I make up some concoctions, baby!! LOL...But it's just an over-all fun weekend to celebrate the joys of Kool-Aid. Harmless fun, if you ask me.

What do you do when they try to come back?

They being friends you have become disenchanted or estranged with. Do you accept them back with open arms, or do you turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to their pleas of forgiveness? Naw, this ain't a two-way street. I'm speaking strictly on, if a "friend" does YOU wrong, realizes the error of THEIR ways, and decides to come back...what do you do then?

This situation has presented itself to, not me (as of late), but my bf. And I commend her for the way she's been handling the issue since it first arose. She was definitely the mature one, in all aspects, and even today the disenchanted friend offered his sincerest apologies for being immature.

I asked her when things first broke out what would she do if he should come back and apologize for his behavior. She simply said that she didn't know. This situation was not cut-and-dry and the whole thing REALLY hurt my bf. She was furious that someone she called a good friend and brother could turn on her in an instance over another female....

They are in the process of straightening things out, but we all KNOW that things will never be the same between them, and they will probably never really feel comfortable around each other. What's done is done, and has become past issues. Me and CT are one in the same that we don't necessarily hold grudges--but we do. We tend to never forget how someone treats us (good or bad), especially a "friend".

And this leads me to my next question....Can men and women be "just friends"? Now I have seen this issue discussed and debated many times over different message boards, blogs, and real-life social settings. But I never interject, because until recently, I had never had an opinion on the topic. After what happened to my bf...I think about it often. Can you be just friends with someone of the opposite sex? Without complicating things and saying, "Well we were attracted to each other at one point and tried to talk, but it didn't work, and blah blah blah..."--I mean can you truly, honestly, be in a FRIENDS ONLY SITUATION with a member of the opposite sex?

My opinion is of course...yes and no.

Yes--because there are some people that God brings into your life to make you smile, forget about your troubles, and talk to, but only for a season. There have been a lot of guys in my life that I saw as just friends. Whether they like/liked me then/now is irrelevant. I guess they figure if they can't have me romantically, they'll settle for friendship. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

No--because (this is more complicated) Most times than none you and a guy/girl have been or are attracted to each other...shit, that's why you went over and spoke in the first place! And no matter what, in the midst of taking another's hand in commitment, the attraction will still linger on and has the potential to fuck up a good relationship.

There is this guy that likes to call himself my "brother". How we became friends is WEIRD and fucked up (to me), because it was on some stalkerish shit. We were at a summer camp our church was holding and there was this guy that I really liked. The dude had BEEN asked for my number, and I gave it to him. One night, I get a call from a number I didn't recognize (I was still answering those back then), and low-and-behold, it's the "brother" dude. I was shocked and appalled because I don't find him attractive at all, and we're not even on the same level! I was mad and asked him, "How did you get my number?" and he's like the dude I liked gave it to him...

Y'all know I called HIS ass and cussed him out right? You don't give my number out like that!! And the mofo was just laughing his head off, it was so funny to him. He knew that at the time, I found the other boy to be VERY annoying! Anyway, I felt like, for the "brother" dude to go through all this trouble to get my number without even notifying me, he must like me or something. And I really think he did. He would talk about girls, and about me "hooking him up" with friends, but now I see that this was just a ploy to throw his scent off my trail. He didn't wanna come off as too interested, as his homeboy had already made waves with me.

Needless to say, he continued to vigillantly pursue me, I guess as just a friend (one day he called me 16 times in the span of about 5 hrs) and he got no--where because I was annoyed as hell with him. And to this day, he is just a friend. He still looks the same, acts the same, is THE SAME. He has accepted that I didn't and don't want him like that, and I have accepted that if he can't have me in love, to at least let him be my friend. I have grown fond of him and can stand him calling 3 times a day sometimes. He started calling me his little sister around 11th grade year, and we rolled with it. He has no choice but to be my friend if he wants me in his life...cuz I can't give him anything else.

But then there's the other side of the token (which I will try to be brief about, but I could write a book). Guys that YOU like that YOU have to settle being friends with (grrr,*sigh*). It happens to me quite frequently, but I'll get over it. Going into detail causes me great emotional pain, so I'm gonna leave it alone and just say that, through all of MY disappointments with guys, I know that as Brittni says, "God has something for me that's gone blow "us" out the water". I can't wait to see and know who that is, but I obviously have no choice, so I will let it be.

I have to continue to do me, regardless...I believe he's right around the corner in the next phase of my life...we'll just have to wait and see...:-)

Last Night...

...I didn't even get an answer (P. Shitty).

Yeah you didn't get a damn answer because that bitch don't love you no mo'! Just kidding (not really), but this post is just the recap (kinda) of last night.

Britt picks me up in the PT (her new car...'06 model bih--get yo weight up!), we ride to Hooters. We park and I call Tamara (who lives down the street from the restaurant, but still manages to be late--luv ya Tam). She tells me she'll be there soon. We call Hanae to see where she's at and she tells us she's waiting in the parking lot too. We (me and Britt) get out of the car and meet Hanae at the door. Hugs and greetings are exchanged because we haven't seen each other in some months.

We go in and get seated...**we have the Hooters experience**...our Hooters Girl (waitress) is a little bit (lotta-bit) ditzy, we (me, Britt, Hanae) sit and wait for about 15-20 minutes for Tamara to arrive, all the while wondering if Keturah was gonna show up.

Ket and Tam walk in together and get seated as well. We eat and talk and laugh really loud. Then we get our checks and leave (I'm not goin into detail...if you haven't, you should experiene Hooters for yourself). I'd go back in the future...the food was okay (the fries were GREAT!!!).

Then we go out in the parking lot and parlay. I take pics (as I always do), and then me and Britt demonstrate the "Soulja Boy" and "Spiderman" dances to Hanae and Ket. We laguh and then walk out to the PT so the girls can see it. Then to make a long story short (you just had to be there), we ended up at Bruster's for ice cream. I had orange sherbet. it was...okay...not tangy enough for me...but *shrugs* what can you do?

Anyway, we danced in the parking lot after eating the ice cream, and then Tamara's mom called and we parted ways with hugs. Britt (BJ) is leaving us to go back to school early (8/7). She will be an RA this year along with 3 of my other DIAMOND sisters--Kandace, Jessica S., and Charna. Congrats girls, have fun and don't do the Freshmen in too bad!! Congrats also to my boy Anthony. He's an RA this year too!! Now for the pics (there were more, but they are hella blurry, so just deal).

Britt's '06 PT Cruiser (in my driveway)

Hanae and Keturah

Umm...
My girls (Hanae, Britt, Ket, and Tam in the back)

Crazy heffa, Tam!

Ice---cream---

Alright now, I'll holla. *I apologize for the way my camera was acting. The pictures themselves are very blurry :-(

GOOD MORNING!!!

Hi All! Today is a very exciting day!!! IT'S FRIDAY!!! YAY!!! Today, I'll be getting off at 2 to go to my Eye-doctor, and I must tell you that it feels good to be starting the weekend off early! Last night, I did go to Hooters (I'll make a separate posts with pics), and I had so much fun with my girls Britt, Tam, Hanae, and Ket. After Hooters we stopped at Bruster's for ice cream, and then danced in the parking lot until Tamara's mom called. Good Times! But yeah, I love those girls, and they and I are only about half of our illustrious DIAMONDS clique. Shout-outs to Jessica S., Jessica T., Charna, Kandace, Kia, and Megan. DIAMONDS are forever! But, anyhoo...

I wanted to let y'all know that I'll be on vacation from Aug. 5-12th. I'm going to LA (Lower Alabama, duh...lol)--Gulf Shores and Orange Beach to spend time with the fam, shop, and just relax my nerves. I'll also be hanging with my girl Monie (she's from down that way) for a day! I haven't seen her since school let out, so I'm tre's excited! Since I'll be on vay-cay, I WILL NOT BE POSTING. I'll try to post when I get back on the 12th (a Sunday), but if I don't get a chance to, I'll be back in full-effect Monday afternoon. Moving on....

While in LA, I hope to swim, soak up a lil sun (don't need too much), shop, eat some good food, hang with fam and friends, sleep, and relax. But that's what you do on a vay-cay anyway, right?

I also plan (towards the end of the trip, on Saturday) on getting a tattoo. I'm HYPED about it. A lot of my friends have one or two, and with the excitement created about them from the song

Tattoo by The Alliance, I figured now is as good a time as ever to follow suit. One thing about me is that I know how to be a leader and a follower. Being either has its good points and bad points, and if you are against marking your body, you may deem me foolish and weak...but guess what...ain't nobody holding a gun to my head making me do it. It's my choice and the ever popular and dreaded words, "It's MY BODY!!!". In the words of Jessy-Mae, "I do what I want, because I can". No truer words have ever been spoken. So yeah, I'm following a fad and the crowd...but ultimately it's my decision, just like it's my decision to remain abstinent (proud virgin here, baby), not drink, and not smoke.

Anyway, I think that handles everything on the announcement tip. I may come back with a "life question" or rant or something...I don't know. And I'll be making a post about last night soon.

Enjoy your morning, and happy Friday!!!

Update on the "READ A BOOK" Situation

Well, not really an update, but remember how I said I was browsing thru some GW Bush pics? Well, I found something that disturbed the hell outta me. Now, because he's our President, I automatically give/ or had given him respect, and honestly did not think he was THAT DUMB until just recently (2006). I am aware of a lot of the mistakes he and his administration have made in running this country, but I didn't know it was THIS BAD! All I can say, is come January 20, 2009, if you (as in readers of this blog) are/were a supporter of Bush, be ready to be offended, because I am going to let his dumb ass have it! I'm sorry...his stupidty has breeched new levels, in my eyes. I will probably be dedicating a post a day to him for a whole week leading up to 1/20/09...*sigh* it's a damn shame. But Imma save my rant for then.

Now, to my point...I don't know when this picture was taken, may have been years ago, but I'm just now seeing it, and I'm over here shaking my head.

click on the picture to make it bigger

I don't care if this picture is old, and true enough dumb mistakes like this may have been less frequent over the years. But it doesn't erase the fact that he had the damn book upside down!! I'm not one to just criticize someone for nothin. People make mistakes, and really I just wanted to post evidence of his stupidity. I'm sure someone informed him that he had the book upside down...but are you telling me he was looking at the kid so hard that he didn't notice? Okay...you're not there to stare at a kid, man...

I'm just sayin, I agree with the whole message of READ A BOOK, and who it's trying to target, but we all need to understand that a message such as this needs to reach broader audiences (whites, blacks, hispanics, and asians). And maybe that is also READ A BOOK's intention (though I believe it's initial intentions were to target the black community). Like I said, it may be an old pic, and I'm not saying Dubya can't read...but this picture sends a bad message and it is loud and clear. Do better in 2008, America. My voter registration card came in on Monday or Tuesday. Best believe I will be filling that bih out and voting Nov '08. I encourage you all to do the same.

But anyway...I just thought I'd share this gem. They'll be more soon. 'Til then!

** Disclaimer: The only relevance this picture has to the READ A BOOK song is that Bush is holding a book...and it's fuckin upside down...:-(

**YES!!! Praise God, it's...

**I've been sitting up here bored out of my mind, looking at "GW Bush pictures" and laughing my ass off! Tomorrow should be kind of exciting, seeing as I have an announcement to make. I should be posting a bit more tomorrow as well.

Today I'm going out with a few of my girls (goin to HOOTERS), and it should be fun. We wanted to get together before BJ went back to school. I might post some pictures of the night if I get them up before Sunday. Anyway, I don't really have much to say so Imma end this.

Have a good one! "Might as Well, tomorrow FRIDAY"--Auntie Helen (originally from some dude she went to high school with)

I TOLD YOU SO!

Remember when we visited the topic of overexposure? Hmmm? Well, I'll be damned if a sign wasn't sent...Diddy, or Beaver as I like to call him, has officially been B-LISTED in the popular celeb vay-cay spot of St. Tropez.

Story via celebrity-gossip.net (gossipgirls.com) July 30, 2007:

"It must have been like a slow motion video as fading rap star Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs watched his star fall when he was refused entrance at an exclusive club, Les Caves on the French Riviera. What makes this insult even more close to home for Combs is that he once “ruled the roost” at the Riviera back during his superstar days.
However, it appears as if Diddy’s fan base has shrunk, as insiders gleefully pointed out that, “He is so B-List here. No one even acknowledges him.” Going a step forward in casting the ultimate celebrity putdown, one insider claimed, “Nobody even recognized him at the St. Tropez hotspot”. "

"This is a stark comparison to Combs’ first experience with the Riveria, when he arrived at the resort with a full-time personal entourage back in 2003. At the time, he was often spotted partying with other celebrities, including Uma Thruman , and indulging in bottles of Cristal champagne with the ladies.
Not content with just watching Diddy receive the cold shoulder at Les Caves, several insiders went out of their way to question why Combs was in the Riviera at all. “Nobody goes out there until the first and second week of August. Maybe he’s afraid he’ll get lost in the crowd once all the real celebs show up.”"

**http://www.celebrity-gossip.net/celebrities/hollywood/diddy-joins-the-ranks-of-the-b-team-201493/#blog--Find the story HERE!!

All I can do is give a hardy-har-har to ya, bud. God don't like U-G-L-Y! And you must not have believed that karma was real, because I'm sure this situation HAS YOU BAMBOOZLED !! And get this folks...Kimberly Cavalli, daughter of Roberto Cavalli (?), stole his fuckin Maybach and took it for a lil spin (see Crunk and Disorderly for full story)! Looks like things can only get worse from here, ey Diddy? Naw, I'm just jokin around...but for real, these things are evidence of some SERIOUS karma coming Diddy's way!

I mean, for the way he treated Kim Porter, mother of 3 of his children, Laurie Ann Gibson, someone who was ride or die for his camp for the longest, and COUNTLESS acts on his Bad Boy Label (that he continues to shelve and keep on the back burner (Faith--left, 112--left, Loon, Danity Kane, New Edition, Da Band, Total, and many more)) he deserves it. It's coming back to bite you in the ass man! Maybe if you were a little more considerate and kind to people in general, your life wouldn't suck right now! And let's not even talk about the child support homeboy is/will be paying for his 4 (*cough* 5 *cough*) kids. My number one question is, what the hell is he gonna do with this band he makes this season...what, they make one CD and get shelved too? Diddy, you suck! (other people/products he has fucked over: Biggie, Lil' Kim, Proactive, Pepsi)

Anyway...that's all I have to say about this rude, arrogant ass scum-bag. Maybe he and Pasta Ma$e should just elope to Alaska and start off fresh...Their lives in America are tarnished and basically ruined...*shrugs* (I'm exaggerating...a little bit. I wouldn't say ruined...completely)

Oh and 50, your shit is about to get busted too! You're number 3 on my list of overexposed celebrity mfs...naw...make that 2 since Diddy done got B-listed! *something you'll never see happen to Jay-Z*. 50...time to sit down...Vitamin Water my ass!!!

GOOD MORNING!!! It's August 1st!!!!!

Hello people! Today begins a new month, and (to me), one of the most exciting months of this year!! Today, I supposedly find out who my new roommates will be for this school year (ETA: won't find out til 8/6), I get paid today (YEAAAH!!!), and I get to go shopping. This whole month promises to be jammed-packed with exciting, fun, and fulfilling things to do. Plus I have MANY friends and family members who celebrate birthdays and anniversaries during this month!

Well, on to business...There are a number of holidays and observances that I would like for y'all to be aware of... one of the most important being Black Business Month.

Here is a run-down of some of the monthly and weekly observances in the month of August:

Black Business Month- As black people, we should be willing to stand united and support our brothers and sisters in their economic endeavors. Chances are, they are selling products that will benefit blacks anyway. I know that their are some black-owned businesses that make you wanna scratch your eyes out (rude staff, extremely high prices, always out of desired product), but let's not count them ALL out. If you can, scope around your town and check out some of the black-owned businesses in your area. In order to come up, we've got to stick together!!

Cataract Awareness Month and Children's Eye Health and Safety Month- Self explanatory. Get your eyes checked, damn-it! I got an eye-appointment on the 3rd!!

Learn Japanese Month- My homeboy is taking Japanese in school, and I love Japanese anime. It's always a good idea to try to pick up another language, whether it be Spanish, French, Italian, or Japanese!! (**)

Weekly Observances

World Breastfeeding Week (Aug. 1-7)- I plan on breastfeeding when I have a child. I think it's a wonderful bonding experience for mother and child, plus it helps the baby's immune system.
(**)

National Resurrect Romance Week (Aug. 12-18)- I don't have a boo, but all I can say is if you DO have one, do something special for him or her to let them know you'd give the world to them. No matter what apethetic assholes say, ROMANCE IS NOT DEAD!!!!

Weird Contest Week (Aug. 13-17)- Come up with a cooky contest each day, and winners of these contest should win a PRIZE (oooh)...

And with that folks, I'm out. Make sure to check out the right-hand side of the page to see the daily-observances. Live a little and partcipate in some of them! You might actually have fun!!! Remember to MARK YOUR CALENDARS!!!!

(**)--More to come on particular subject (possibly)

What Do you Think? WDYT?

Today has been moving kinda slow...I'm so ready to go home and take a damn nap!!! But I didn't want to NOT make a post today, seeing as I may not do it later on tonight. But anyway, I wanna make your "tummies tickle" (Husky Doug of the DBMS, lol) a little bit, just in case you are bored like me...so...

What do you think about this line-up I'm about to post? Can you see the resemblances? (click on the picture to get a "close-up")

Hahahaha esp. @ Fantasia and Trick Daddy... in the words of Craig and Smokey....

I'm bored, so please forgive my crudeness...HAHAHAHA!!! **this may get deleted. I'm just super bored right now!**

Overexposure (it's not good for your health)

Overexposure is defined by the Merriam-Webster Online dictionary as being "exposed excessively".

Excessive means "exceeding what is usual, proper, necessary, or normal"...

With that being said, and the words overexposure and excessive defined...I'd like to take this time to tell you who I think is OVEREXPOSED to the MAX and needs to SIT THE FUCK DOWN!

Take a wild guess, folks!

BEYONCE' KNOWLES!!!

Yeah! I said it! She needs to take a sit down at this very moment. This bitch has been rocking stages since the late 90s, and you mean to tell me she still ain't had enough?

Now don't get me wrong, I was a supporter of the ORIGINAL Destiny's Child when they first came out in 97. I was nine years old. But hold the hell up...it's been pain-stakingly obvious that Beyonce' has been in the lime-light ALL these years, with no intention of stepping down and letting the other girls get any shine.

And you know what? That's cool. I understand that you, your daddy, and your mama have a "plan"...Beyonce', to me, is like a MINI-DIANA ROSS, but DIANA did it and still does it SOO MUCH BETTER than Miss Knowles.

Call me a hater, but I'm just saying what MANY others are feeling and vocalizing themselves. She needs to saddown! I mean, give people a chance to miss your overexposed ass!!! I get tired of hearing your "recycled-sounding" music, seeing your lack-luster videos, hearing about you and Jay-Z's stagnant relationship, about your pitiful sister still trying to make a comeback in the midst of your shadow!

And let's not even TALK about shadows...Kelly mutherfuckin Rowland. She is equivalent to Cinderella and Beyonce' and Solange are the evil step-sisters...it's sad, but no matter how much Kelly tries, she is OUTDONE by both of the Knowles sisters.

Kelly should have GOT while the going was good when she and Nelly came out with the smashing summer hit "Dilemma" in 2002. She came out with her first CD and did okay, but she didn't create quite enough friction to make herself known SANS Beyonce'

Poor Michelle.....(that's all I can say).

Mama thinks that I'm being mean, but really I'm just calling it like I see it! Beyonce' is 25 years old...I mean, do you want kids? Wanna get married and start a life with Joe Kool---I mean Jay-Z? Sit your ass down somewhere and let some of these break-out artist get some shine!! Let the Ciaras and the Chrisette Michelles and the Tiffany Evanses do their thing and see what it feels like to be on top, for once.

If you're really the best, then what's wrong with taking a break, coming back, and handling biz...becoming the HEAD DIVA once again?

Lemme tell you who has their shit together and is well-balanced between public-life and stardom and keeping it on the private side: Alicia Keys! This girl knows how to work this industry. She gives us just enough to keep us wanting more, but knows how to take a seat and do other things (such as Charity work...*cough* Beyonce' should focus some of her energy on that *cough*). Alicia is a genius in the music industry, she finds time to give back to fans, finds time for a private life, and can STILL COME BACK AND COMMAND AN AUDIENCE! And guess what else folks! She's 25 just like Miss Knowles...

I believe Beyonce' is quite capable of doing the same. But her head has gotten so big, her daddy is pushing her so hard, that she just can't sit down. She's scared she's gonna lose the top-spot. But again...if you're so great--supposedly the BEST, then why CAN'T YOU TAKE A BREAK! PEOPLE THINK YOU ARE OVER-MUHFUCKIN RATED!!!!

Listen B, go chill, kick your feet up for about a year. Make some QUALITY MUSIC (that doesn't sound rushed), get married, get knocked up...hey! Maybe these things will make you more interesting! The industry is oversaturated with two people right now...you and that buck-toothed beaver Sean Combs a.k.a. P. Shitty!

Anyway, that's my rant for today, and I may be back for more (editing and what not). Until then...

MARK YOUR CALENDARS

IT'S SINGLE WORKING WOMEN'S WEEK!!! (July 29th-August 4th)

**taken from the Single Working Women's Affiliate Network website:

"SWWANs share in the joy as their friends celebrate impending marriages with showers, bachelorette parties, weddings. It's not unusual to spend a boatload of cash on these celebrations for friends going into a 2-income situation. Until now, one-income single working women have had no official occasion to celebrate like those for their getting-married friends.

What happens during Single Working Women's Week?
Single Working Women's Week is a chance to celebrate your courage and creativity. It's also a chance for those who love and respect you to help you celebrate. It's an excuse for them to shower you with cards and attention.

Single Working Women's Week is a week all its own--not connected with any other holiday--so your celebration can be undiluted. It's just for you and your single working women friends and colleagues. it's a great opportunity for the people you love and cherish and serve to show you how much they appreciate all you do. "

Single Working Women's Week is a relatively new national observance. Please feel free to visit the SWWAN website at http://www.swwan.org/ to find out more about the observance and what you can do to celebrate, or help a friend or loved one celebrate.

**Now on to my soap box!

We ALL know women in our lives who work like slaves, carrying 1, 2, or even 3 jobs just to make ends-meet. Some of these same women have children to support--mouths to feed, tuition to pay, etc. Well here's the opportunity to show them how much we appreciate their contributions to our families, businesses, and society as a whole. Single women, working to support themselves and/or children deserve a round of applause, a pat-on the back, a standing ovation and much, much more.

This post is dedicated to the Single Working Women in MY life:

Auntie Benita

Auntie Helen

My Grandmother Jessie P. H. (for working all of those years, doin it by yourself, mama, and raising 4 wonderful daughters all at the same time!)

LaTerrica T.

Y'all keep your heads up, and keep doing what you do! YOU ARE APPRECIATED!!!