ROaCh Stories

I found these stories a while back on a message board I used to frequent. This shit had me rolling...I can relate, because my grandma in GA used to have roaches something terrible, and I swear one of them bitches bit me and gave me a rash that I have to this day!!! Anyhoo, enjoy!!


Story 1:
"son i'm dying right now because this shit is mad true...my thing is i don't even think its always a matter of them trying to front and hoping you dont see it...i honestly think it's so prevalent they dont even notice like that, it becomes a natural part of the decorum in the crib....


boom i remember back in the days i met this girl at black expo, we exchanged numbers and kicked it on the horn for a week or so before we actually decided to meet up at her place in brownsville for a movie night...soon as i stepped in her lab there were like three roaches parlaying on the pre-requisite wooden fork and spoon on the kitchen wall so i knew this was going to be trouble...we sit on the couch and [ZOOM!] two more race across the coffee table, i said "oh shit!" in shock at their raw speed and how they chillin in large numbers like niggas...she was like, "don't worry they aint gonna bother you"...turned out the lights, popped the movie in and got cozy on the couch next to me...


so after a while we're kissing and i'm an eyes open kisser, yo once i went for her neck? BOOM, i peep one on the wall above her couch, duke was brolic and his antennaes were moving like thunder sticks, i was shook son...so anyway she backed off the kissing like, we're moving too fast and i was good with that because i needed to keep my eyes on that damn wall...well the movie diverted my attention from him for a few minutes and the next thing you know i felt something on my neck...i jumped up screaming, "AH SHIT, THE ROACH JUMPED ON ME YO! THE ROACH! A FUCKIN ROACH!" while i jumped up and down and ran in circles like a little kid....it was then i realized that my hoody string was up on my shoulder and fell down grazing my neck....after that it was a wrap to say the least, she was mad embarrassed...she said, "well, i'm kinda tired sooo"...and i was like, "yeah me too" and i bounced out of there with the quickness...once i got outside i went into a blimpie's bathroom and took off all my clothes and shook them shits out thoroughly...we never kicked it again, i'm itchin right now just thinkin about it smh.…"--Claude


Story 2:
"smh you know you got a roach prolem when you dont give a fuck about roaches no more....I dont even bother pickin up dead roaches no more....they all over in random places...yall woulda thought some roaches detonated a suicide bomb while they homies was parlaein in my crib....I found one in my fridge mane....and I was thinking....how the fuck.....ahhh....never mind.....and shut that shit and continued my day....smh"
--Vance

Not Into Speed-Dating

First, I would like to start this post off by stating that I am not talking about the conventional means of speed-dating...the whole going to some location, sitting down at a table and having random people sit at the other seat across from you and try to get to know you in 15 minutes (or less). NO, I'm not talking about that shit, because my life hasn't come to a place where I need to speed-date in that manner at the age of 20.



I'm talking about rushing into a damn relationship out of guilt or pressure. That USED to be me when I was a young teen. These guys would guilt me out of my good sense, and I'd be booed up with them, only to find that they were messing with other girls as well. My problem was that I could NEVER say no to these dudes. They made me feel so bad with their sob stories...I gave in like a dummy and always ended up regretting the shit. What it comes down to is that I was letting them take advantage of me. I was naiive.

So now, at the tender age of 20, I find myself in similar situations, but things are different this time around. I've learned that even though I'm caught up emotionally with the boy, to keep my options WIDE open...

Anyhoo..back to the point at hand. In January of this year, I found myself in a situation with a guy that goes to my school. We fooled around or whatever...to my dissatisfaction...but I guess this dude doesn't have much experience with females, because he can't pick up on the OBVIOUS clues that I don't want to deal with him like that. He's a cool person, but I'm not physically attracted to him anymore...haven't been since that day he came to my room! We never clicked on any other levels, so honestly, I don't get why he's still so persistant. It is THE LAST MONTH of the year, and dude still texting me. No, I'm not going to send you pictures of me! No, I don't want to see your naked dick!! I told him a long time ago I was involved with someone, guess he doesn't care...ass hole!!

The next guy, was this guy I met at a school function. He was cute, or whatever. He asked for my number, I gave it to him. You know, no big deal. I stopped assuming every guy that talked to me wanted to get in my draws a long time ago. He didn't give off that vibe. Okay, so he calls or whatver...and we really have very little in common so I get bored quickly. He wants to get lunch one day, so I invite him to my dorm for some chicken wings and shit. He comes in my room sweaty and hot from walking across campus, plops down on my bed, lays on my AKA pillow like a fool...DUDE!! WTF??! Then he's rubbing all on my back and shit! First of all, WTFB?!?! WHat are you doing? Let's just say, that was the end of that shit. I saw him the other day and he goes, "You been hiding from me, haven't you?"! I wanted to say HELL YEAH...but I kept it moving.

The last dude is really a piece of work. He messaged me randomly on facebook and stuff at the beginning of the fall semester...and then we found out we stayed in the same dorm. Dude has been on my ass like crazy, but since he is kinda flirty with a lot of females, again I tried not to assume that he was trying to get the booty. Okay....extremely long story short...I was at a party this past Thursday, and this dude straight up cornered me in a bathroom, locked the door and asked me why he didn't have a chance with me, when CLEARLY I had told him 10 minutes before that I didn't see him in that way. Then he facebook-chatted me yesterday and was like, "Why did you run from me at the party?" I was like....I wasn't running, dude. He was like, "I wanted to take advantage of you when we were in that bathroom, but I controlled myself". Something inside me went off like an atom bomb. I told him that what he had just written was NOT something you tell a female! You don't know what my past was like, if I've been "taken advantage of" before. He was like, "I don't see what's wrong with me expressing the way I feel". I was like, "That's just something you don't say. It sounds really bad!" Then he proceeds to tell me that he finally got a chance to take a peek at my ass in " those tight pink jeans" I had on at the party. WTF?!?! Nigga, you sick!

So I give you these scenarios to say this: None of these young men ever approached me in the right way. All they did was initiate conversations. From there they went assuming that since I say, "hey" back I want them to jump my bones, marry me, or be my lover. None of them ever took the time to get to know me....all conversations revolved around them and their freaky fantasies (guy #1), their boring life in general (guy #2), or their boring freaky life (guy #3). Questions about me centered around me getting involved with them in some kind of manner. I think guy #2 wouldn't have been so bad if he wouldn't have made such a bad impression in my room that time. You just don't lay your hot, stankin, sweaty body down on somebody's bed like that, ESPECIALLY when you don't even really know them!

I feel like these guys were trying to rush me into relationships without getting to know me first, and this pisses me off. I'm more than just a pretty face, and I'm WORTH getting to know!! None of them EVER asked if I was involved with someone else...I mean, what happened to dudes asking up front, "You got a man??" I mean, they don't do it anymore and I think it's because they don't care...OH BUT THEY SHOULD! Guy #3 is learning the hard way, because I think I hurt his little pride IN PUBLIC at that party. He should have come correct!

I told Guy #1 I was involved a while back, and he ignored...I mean, what do these fools want me to do? They all have good friendship qualities, but they'd rather skip that and jump head first into a FUCKED up relationship...and I'll be damned if I become a statistic on UAB's campus! That's why i don't fuck with UAB dudes now!

The moral of the story is: in order to get with me, there has to be an initial connection (check), and an ESTABLISHED friendship (all were lacking). Therefore, certain details about our lives should be shared...not forced out. My longest lasting, and best relationships blossomed out of real, true friendship...Like the one my hunny and I share now. We've been friends since '06...we KNOW each other, and most importantly, we are COMFORTABLE around each other! That's what I'm looking for. I heard it somewhere..."Comfort is the only thing in your life you have control over." You control what your environment is 9 times out of 10 and whether or not you can deal with the setting...That's my point.

So to those 3 guys, and others who may potentially want to try me...I'm not into that quick shit! Get to know me first, and then we'll talk (LITERALLY!)!!!

Shout-outs to my REAL homeboys: EB, Mar, Bran, Juan, BMC, Quin, Merl, and Bookie

And to my BOO: HOUSTON!!!!!!

FINALLY!!! Beach Recap 1: Monday--August 4th

PRE-CURSOR:
For the past 8 or 9 years, my family has ventured to Gulf Shores/Orange Beach for a little fun. The past two years have been something else...us staying at one of the most bourgois condos in Orange beach, Phoenix on the Bay II. This needs to be our LAST year going down here. It's fun...but frankly, it's getting old. People call it the "Redneck Riviera" because of all the racist whites out there...Plus it's Obama season y'all. I ain't tryna die on no subsequent vacations!! Please believe! anyhoo, enjoy these pics real quick before I get into what happened on Monday.


Phoenix on the Bay II


Big Timing. It costs thousands of dollars to stay here for a couple of days. We do it for a week. But trust, it wasn't easy. We started saving for this trip last year, right after we got off the last one.


The infamous slide


I take damn good pictures!


The condo across the way. Not nearly as grand as our property


Another view



So... my recap of summer vacation starts with Monday, August 4, 2008--the day one of my best friends in the world turned the BIG 21!!!

Birthday Girl!!!!


My hunny lives in these parts in a town about 10 minutes outside of Gulf Shores. Initially he and I were supposed to rendevous on this vacation, but that never happened as he decided to return to H-ville early in preparation for the new school year. Sucks for me, right? So the plan for the day was to get up with Gemini's (formerly The Russian) best friend (whom my cousin is "talking to") and some of his boys to show Quanita a great time on her 21st birthday. So we start getting ready around 1pm (well I do, because I had to go to the bank with my mom). The guys were supposed to come get us around 4pm. There was already some confusion and ambiguity about that because dude, I will call him "Redd", drives a Mustang...and he was already gonna be 3 deep...A mustang will NOT hold 6 people comfortably...well not a convertible anyways. Redd just kept going on and on about how he wanted his cousin "Big Boy", and homie "Squint" along for the fun. I was skeptical as to why the extra body was needed, since I wasn't looking for anyone to kick it with. Quanita was supposed to hang with Squint, and my cousin Chell with Redd...I was gonna be fifth wheel, but wasn't worried about it. Whatevs...I'd just call Gemini and talk to him or something.

But yeah...we get ready and are looking fly:

Chell lookin like a hot tamale, dressed in red for Redd...


Wuddup, BIH!?

So yeah, we lookin fly and what not. Smelling good, excited, nervous, the whole 9 (mind you, we had never met ANY of these guys before, but cuzzo had been talkin to Redd on the phone for about a month). So 4pm rolls around, y'all...and I swear!! Chell calls Redd to ask him where he is...this NEGRO has the audacity to say he's waiting on his cousin or some bull shit. Nigg, you supposed to BEEN in Orange Beach at 4...you ain't EVEN LEFT THE HOUSE!!!

So Chell gets in bitch mode, pissed off cuz the nigga ain't doin what he said he was gone do. Plus time's a tickin and we were trying to get out ASAP as to get the most out of our little adventure to come. So there we are, all laying on my bed watching Disney Channel, waiting on these fools. My ass fell asleep...I think Quan drifted off too...

Y'all...it was 7 O CLOCK before these mufuckas showed up!!! Okay, so the "day light" is damn near gone!!! When they got to Orange Beach, they ended up going to the wrong property. They were at POB I instead of POB 2. We went all downstairs looking for these niggas, and they're in the wrong place!!! They finally made their way to our floor, and when we got there, they were just standing there looking dumb and bored. Very attractive, the 3 of them tho. I didn't take pics of them for a few reasons I won't discuss.

Anyway, Redd and Big Boy looked mixed, so we surely thought they were apart of a family staying at POB 2, Squint (I thought) was just their homeboy they'd asked to come hang out or something. It occurred to me slightly that the guys may be the Motley Crew we'd been waiting 3 hrs for, but shit, I was pissed so I breezed right by all three of their asses, went inside the condo and slammed the door behind me...OOPS, strike 1, My bad!

So...Quan follows me in, and then Chell. These niggas knocked and I said, "That's probably them..."and rolled my eyes. Chell started acting EXTRA brand new and put on this front like, "I ain't telling them to come in!" I'm like, ain't this what you been waiting for for a MONTH and 3 hrs!?!? She goes out and gets the boys. They all walk in OUR condo without speaking and head straight for the living room area. Niggas plop down on a couch and tell Chell to tell us to "Come out". Me and Quanita look at each other then get up and head out. Quanita is REALLY quiet so she never has much to say. That was expected. I spoke, she mumbled something and then I sat down.

WHEN I SAY THAT BITCH WAS DEAD!!!! Nobody was talking, not even Chell or Redd to each other. I was so confused, cuz ok...you got the nigga over here, and had OH SO MUCH to say, cussing him out on the phone and stuff, and then when he's in your presence, you are on MUTE!? FOR REAL?!? That pissed me off ROYALY!! So me, being the most socially concious, I strike up a convo. I say, "So who are y'all??" These niggas think they runnin game, so they switch out names, well, at least Redd and Big Boy do, as to confuse Chell of which red-boy she is actually talkin to. A conversation was sparked...OH IT WAS SPARKED ALRIGHT!! And all hell broke loose from there!!

Jesus, Redd is a schitzo, I believe. One minute he was cool, calm and collected. The next he is yelling at me, saying I got an attitude, when I'm just trying to make conversation with his crazy ass. He goes off on some tangent because I mentioned that I thought he'd be taller from the pics Chell and I saw on facebook. I think I embarrassed him. BUT SHIT, they were ALL short...and uhhh...we were too. HE GOT MAD, Y'ALL!!! Strike 2 on me....Oh Lord, strike 3 is where the shit hit the fan for real...

So, I'm already semi-perturbed with Chell's lack of conversation and self-imposed put on and shyness...then Redd's ass hauls off talking bout "so what we doin"? We (me, Chell, and Quan) all start speaking at once. "WE thought WE were going somewhere tonight!" Then Chell wanna speak up talking about how she thought we were supposed to be going shopping, out to eat, and to a movie. Redd scoffs (LAUGHS, y'all), and is like, "How 6 folks gone fit up in my Mustang?" I roll my eyes. Was he serious. So you came up in this bitch with no plan and NO apologies....then he did the unthinkable! This nigga asked me what we had to eat. Was like, "We should order pizza!!" To lighten the mood, I jokingly stated, "you payin?" OH MY GOODNESS!! I should have NOT said that...I should have kept my damn mouth closed. This fool launches a verbal assault on me. Getting all upset and excited talking bout I'm disrespecting him, I have an attitude, all this bull. Then he has the fucking NERVE to compare me to Gemini's ex, whom I have no official BEEF with, but let's just say we don't care for each other. I know of her, and she knows of me...

But hold up homie...Redd, I DON'T KNOW YOU AT ALL!!! Who the fuck did he think he was buckin up on me and comparing me to that girl?!?! He said, "you remind me of someone...OH!!! Gemini's ex...you know her don't you...yeah, you got an attitude just like her" and he made a stank face! OMG, y'all I bout peed in my pants and shed a tear at the same time! Now how would he have felt if I started comparing him to Chell's ex who she STILL has communication with. I know if Redd knew that he would have a hissy fit.

I texted Gemini these words: "Your boy is crazy" and he called me wanting to know what was goin on...I didn't have much to say at the time. Y'all honestly I was shocked and appauled, I was upset and heated that his ass arrived at our condo late and subsequently wasn't planning on taking us anywhere. We hadn't eaten since breakfast early that morning and this nigga is asking us to PAY for a pizza that he and his cronies are probably gonna try to eat up themselves!!

I laughed Redd's verbal assault off, but I was truly hurt and offended and all Gemini did was laugh. I felt defeated, and I felt the stinging tears welling up in my eyes. I didn't shed A one tho...

So skipping stupid shit, Redd gets Chell to the back. I'm still on the phone with Gemini. I go back there too...Redd gets on my phone talking to Gemini telling him I got a bad attitude and I'm showing out. I'm like, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS NIGGA, REALLY?!?!?!?"

Ok...so skipping other stupid shit, you know, him whining to his boys, talking bout he ready to go cuz I (SHY) has an attitude with him and he don't feel like being disrespected! I'm seriously confused at where all this hostility is coming from at this point. He then tells Chell, privately of course that he is just causing a scene to get HER in the back ALONE with him. She tells him if that's the case, he should apologize...

When he finally decided to stop being an ass and apologize, I honestly still wasn't feelin that shit. I accepted, but was highly put-off for the rest of the night. When the folks (my Mom, aunt, and Grandma and the kids) got back we (as in, me, Chell, Quan, and the guys) went down to the Bay.

Chell and Redd ran off into the look-out tower and that is where they stayed for the next 2-2.5 hours. Quanita and I chatted it up with the actual COOL dudes, Big Boy and Squint. If it weren't for them being cool enough to chill with, I would have holed myself in that condo for the REST of the night. They even apologized to Quan for her lack luster b-day, but she claimed she had fun. Whatevs. It don't take much to please Lil Bit!

Anyhoo...the last bit of this horrendous night occurs after the guys leave. We still hadn't eaten A THING...so my mom offers to take us to McDonalds. Boy I was still heated. I decided to confront Chell about that stupid shit her lil boo pulled at the condo. I was EXTREMELY nice and calm about it, but I let her know that if she did anything else with him over the course of the week to count me out, cuz I didn't feel comfortable around him. I guess this made her mad or something. She defended him a lil and said, "Well I like him, and I had fun". I was like, "That's good." What the fuck did she want me to say. I'm glad you had fun, boo...but I don't care!

So yeah, we get back to the condo and she hops her happy ass on the phone with that idiot...and when she gets off, she has this NASTY, funky ass attitude...WITH ME!!!! Like I did something to HER! I guess he told her that if she cared so much about what I thought about him, she shouldn't talk to him...and I guess that pissed her off. Guess she thought I was fuckin up her chances because I was being too sensitive or something. What the fuck ever! I now know that this girl will definitely put a nigga BEFORE family!! And she ain't even known him for that long, that's what's CRAZY!!!

I digress y'all. This shit had me stressed. She woke up Tuesday morning with a 'tude too, but by the time it was time for us to go to the mall, we smoothed that shit out and she gave me a big hug. i dropped that shit off in the Bay of my mind, because I was DETERMINED to have a great trip, despite Eve's curse coming at the most inopportune time, despite Mario's untimely death, and despite the hellish drama of Monday. And guess what?

Shit got better from there!! More later!!

YOU KNOW YOU GHETTO!!! Top 25 Qualifiers

I KNOW Y'ALL REMEMBER THIS SONG!!!

Just for shits and giggles...

1) You call your mama by her first name.
2) Your mother did your hair in the kitchen.
3) You take bubble baths with dishwashing liquid, shampoo, or liquid detergent.
4) You save bacon grease.
5) You have a drawer in your kitchen just for condiments from fast-food restaurants.
6) There are more guests at your reception than at the wedding.
7) You add "ED" or "T" to the end of words already in past tense (i.e. tooked, light-skinneded, kilt, killeded, ruint, tolt).
8) The batteries in your remote are held in place with tape.
9) Roaches! They only come out when company comes over, as if to show out. And your children view them as pets and have given them names
10) You wear the following: Brute, Hai Karate, Jean Nate, Old Spice, Chloe, English Leather, Charlie, Faberge'.
11) You use Tussy.
12) You refer to the hair at the nape of your neck as your "kitchen".
13) You've ever dropped anything and kissed it up to God before eating it.
14) You mispronounce these words as such:
a) skrimps, strimps, or swimps=shrimp (note: there is no "s" on the end regardless)
b) rutch=roach
c) urnge=orange
d) wallah=water
e) skreet (or any other str word for that matter)=street
f) axe=ask
g) look-dead=looked
h) member=of or pertaining to a recollection (e.g. y'all member that time...?)
i) spiskettis=spaghetti
j) showliz=sure is
k) nem or nim (the South)=contraction for "them" (i.e. I can't wait til Marquita nem get here.)
15) Ketchup is used on anything other than a hot dog, fries, or burgers
16) You pop or crack your gum
17) You eat chitterlings (chitt'lins) period.
18) You eat these ghetto snacks: PORK RINDS, CHITTERLINGS, MOONPIES WITH COKE, PISTACHIOS, SUNFLOWER SEEDS, PUMPKIN SEEDS, LICORICE, SALT 'N VINEGAR CHIPS, NOW 'N LATERS, JUICE-FILLED WAX, PIXIE STIX, TWISTERS, BOM POPS, PUSH-UPS, MARY JANES, LEMON HEADS, BOSTON BAKED BEANS, MR. SOFTEE, REDHOTS, FREEZPOPS, CHICK O STIX, SNOWBALLS, JIFFY POPS, CHEEZ WHIZ, POP-TARTS, CANDY STUCK TO PAPER, BLOWPOPS, CANDY NECKLACES, JAWBREAKERS, SUGAR DADDY, SUGAR MAMA, SUGARBABIES.
19) You drink these ghetto beverages: YOO-HOO, MALT LIQUOR, TAHITIAN TREAT, SUGAR WATER, FANTA ORANGE, RED KOOL- AID, RED DOG, ANYTHING RED, .99 A GALLON ANYTHING, TAB, FRESCA, WATER ICE, STRAWBERRY SODA, PINEAPPLE SODA, CREAM SODA.
20) You and your friends get your picture taken in front of the wicker fan chair at the club.
21) You've ever been beaten with an extension cord.
22) Your children don't know the words to "Punchinella" or "Miss Mary Mack, but they know ALL the lyrics to Lil' Wayne's Lollipop.
23) You thought that you were a gymnast because you could do a high flip on a pissy mattress that somebody threw out.
24) You've ever played "red-light-green-light", "giggalo", or "hide-and-go-get-it".
25) You've ever cheated in a game of "Mother-May-I?"

ETA: I'm ghetto as hell!!! My cousins are ghetto, my whole family is GHETTO!!! The only thing that I have never experienced or witnessed is calling my mama by her first name. That's asking for a slap in the mouth. How ghetto are you?!!

A Small RECAP of the BET Awards 20-0H EIGHT...

So...um, fuckery was ACTUALLY kept to a minimum last night at the BET Awards which transpired in LA, California on last night. I tuned in sure that I would see phenomenal amounts of bull shit and mess, but I was somewhat pleasantly surprised when people seemed to (for the most part) know what they were doing. The observations that follow are MINE, and my opinions....(just a forewarning). I'd also like to note that I don't remember EVERY ASPECT OF THE SHOW...soo...

Starting from the tip-top (in no particular order)...

Ursh...what the fuck? Okay, his dancing was sub-par at best (a whole bunch of washed up MJ a la Scarecrow from the Wiz moves). His performance was just OK. He had voice-over music, which a lot of people think is NOT lip-syncing but to me it is!! That is one of my pet-peeves about artist. Whether I'm at the show in person or not, I want to see/hear LIVE singing. If you're out of breath that's your own fault for not doing your exercises and shit. So yeah, Usher gets a C- from me, performance wise. I honestly forgot about his performance til this morning when Alfredes from the Russ Parr Morning show reminded me...lol...do better next time, Mr. Raymond.

Ne-Yo. He did a good job, imo. His singing was good (no voice overs), and when he got ready to do complicated dance moves, he executed them w/o singing and did them WELL!! His dancing is MUCH better than Usher's these days. Hats off to the brother, for he is a true performer. To be noted that Ne-Yo received the first standing O for the night!

T-Pain. I am biased, because I love this ugly man. His stage presence is AWESOME and his vibe is contagious!!! That's all I have on him.

Marvin Sapp. Loved you!

RiRi (Rihanna). Girl, KUDOS!! That's what I'm talking bout. Fuck all that excessive dancing. That is not what people typically know you for, you SING! Thank you for standing still and still shutting it down with your voice! Your voice has gotten SOO much better over the years, and I love your music (was a fan from the start, but you started to piss me off, but you've redeemed yourself since then). Great Job, RiRi...

Alicia Keys. Lady, you are awesome. But you get like 50-11 COOL POINTS for bringing out my 2 FAVORITE girl groups of all time, SWV and TLC. I LOVED THAT. My bestest CoCo and I were texting each other like, "OMG!". Oh, and wow...last I heard EnVogue had a new member, but looks like Lucy Pearl (that's all I know her by) decided to come back for a reunion type situation. Cool Beans. Alicia, thanks Soror!

Keyshia Cole. I'm disappointed, and I agree with others that Lil' Kim pretty much saved you, and that's really sad and not saying much. You can do better, and should have kept that wack dancing to a MINIMUM!! THANKS!

Chris Brown. I love your funky draws!! Great singing, as always. For you to be one of the younger dudes in the game, you have a lot of what I like...*wink*. But no, you sing live WELL, and you can dance your pants off. Bringing CiCi out (who is the QUEEN of dance in MY DAY, sorry Janet) was a GREAT touch! Loved your performance buddy.

DJ Khaled and nim. Thanks for bringing Luda and Big Boy out, them my babies!!

Al Green Tribute:
Jill. Love you girl, and congrats on the engagement
Anthony Hamilton. I love love love you! You remind me alot of mine when it comes to singing.
MAXWELL. Nigga, where have you been with your flyy self!? Great job brother. Been missin you out here!

AL GREEN. Honored with the Lifetime Achievement Award, you are truly deserving!! You'll never know how much you have influenced the music world. I love your music, always have (since a youngin) always will. I loved your energy on stage. You showed that even though you are a minister, you haven't forgotten where you've come from, and that you made a HUGE impact on us with your R&B soul music. That is nothing to be ashamed of, and I'm so happy you embraced that and gave us a spectac performance!!

Wayne. Not too much I can say other than, you did pretty good. I agree with Fredes or Russ when they said your performance was anti-climatic. I was expecting something more, but whatever. Still love ya. A Millie was my fave part!

Oh...Nelly and Jeezy. I forgot about y'all...sorry...uhh...forgettable performances at best :-(. Nelly...Fergie is NOT a good look, holmes. That is ALL...Jeezy, you need more energy on stage. I got bored watching you and obviously forgot you did anything. DO BETTER!

General Comments on the show:

DL. You still suck ass. And I can't believe you called Marvin Sapp, Warren. What the hell were you thinking about when you were introducing him?

Quincy. I love you! Recipient of the Humanitarian Award

Niecey Nash. We don't need to adopt white kids. We need to adopt our own, because that's what makes up majority of the system. Don't do me!

Solange and all them that came out (D. Banner, Brandon T. Jackson, CASSIE , Souljah Boy ). Y'all look like a reject dance crew from America's Next Best Dance Crew. Do better, all of yas!

Cuba Gooding Jr. Baby, were you high?
Nia. I love you!
Morris. UGH!

Gabrielle U. UUUGHHH!
Ashanti. BANANAS!!!
Terrence Howard. I secretly think you are hot and sexy and I looooove you. Your swagger, though at times fruitacular, is VERY intriguing. That Spanish guitar mess you did was enough to make me...
Lauren London. You go girl!!
J. Hud. STOP, PLEASE
L.L. Ummm...relevance? Please go RETIRE FOR GOOD!

Kanye. You're a good dude, man.
Bun B. I POP IT FOR PIMP!!!!
Ummm...Keyshia Cole's folks . DO BETTER!!! Y'all were almost there!

Diddy's momfukin ass. GO A--W---A----Y!!!!

Anybody else that I forgot, Sorry...they were forgettable.

Oh and Debs Lee. No more yellow for you, boo!

Over all, the show was decent. I don't think I'll watch it again when it comes on on Thursday. I have better things to do with my life.

I am, however, excited about the new season of Baldwin Hills. How long has it been?? A year almost? I've missed my babies (Sal and MoMo, but looks like Sal gots a baby mama :-( ). Anyway, there is no more Garnette as far as I can see...GOOD!!! Season Premier is July 8th!! If you are interested, check it out. It is one of the only shows I watch BET for.

I'll probably do a post about BH as the premier approaches. You can find videos and photos of the Awards show here and here

I think that about sums it up for my recap. For all things BET Awards show 2008, just hit up BET.com right here. See y'all lata!!