Not Into Speed-Dating

First, I would like to start this post off by stating that I am not talking about the conventional means of speed-dating...the whole going to some location, sitting down at a table and having random people sit at the other seat across from you and try to get to know you in 15 minutes (or less). NO, I'm not talking about that shit, because my life hasn't come to a place where I need to speed-date in that manner at the age of 20.



I'm talking about rushing into a damn relationship out of guilt or pressure. That USED to be me when I was a young teen. These guys would guilt me out of my good sense, and I'd be booed up with them, only to find that they were messing with other girls as well. My problem was that I could NEVER say no to these dudes. They made me feel so bad with their sob stories...I gave in like a dummy and always ended up regretting the shit. What it comes down to is that I was letting them take advantage of me. I was naiive.

So now, at the tender age of 20, I find myself in similar situations, but things are different this time around. I've learned that even though I'm caught up emotionally with the boy, to keep my options WIDE open...

Anyhoo..back to the point at hand. In January of this year, I found myself in a situation with a guy that goes to my school. We fooled around or whatever...to my dissatisfaction...but I guess this dude doesn't have much experience with females, because he can't pick up on the OBVIOUS clues that I don't want to deal with him like that. He's a cool person, but I'm not physically attracted to him anymore...haven't been since that day he came to my room! We never clicked on any other levels, so honestly, I don't get why he's still so persistant. It is THE LAST MONTH of the year, and dude still texting me. No, I'm not going to send you pictures of me! No, I don't want to see your naked dick!! I told him a long time ago I was involved with someone, guess he doesn't care...ass hole!!

The next guy, was this guy I met at a school function. He was cute, or whatever. He asked for my number, I gave it to him. You know, no big deal. I stopped assuming every guy that talked to me wanted to get in my draws a long time ago. He didn't give off that vibe. Okay, so he calls or whatver...and we really have very little in common so I get bored quickly. He wants to get lunch one day, so I invite him to my dorm for some chicken wings and shit. He comes in my room sweaty and hot from walking across campus, plops down on my bed, lays on my AKA pillow like a fool...DUDE!! WTF??! Then he's rubbing all on my back and shit! First of all, WTFB?!?! WHat are you doing? Let's just say, that was the end of that shit. I saw him the other day and he goes, "You been hiding from me, haven't you?"! I wanted to say HELL YEAH...but I kept it moving.

The last dude is really a piece of work. He messaged me randomly on facebook and stuff at the beginning of the fall semester...and then we found out we stayed in the same dorm. Dude has been on my ass like crazy, but since he is kinda flirty with a lot of females, again I tried not to assume that he was trying to get the booty. Okay....extremely long story short...I was at a party this past Thursday, and this dude straight up cornered me in a bathroom, locked the door and asked me why he didn't have a chance with me, when CLEARLY I had told him 10 minutes before that I didn't see him in that way. Then he facebook-chatted me yesterday and was like, "Why did you run from me at the party?" I was like....I wasn't running, dude. He was like, "I wanted to take advantage of you when we were in that bathroom, but I controlled myself". Something inside me went off like an atom bomb. I told him that what he had just written was NOT something you tell a female! You don't know what my past was like, if I've been "taken advantage of" before. He was like, "I don't see what's wrong with me expressing the way I feel". I was like, "That's just something you don't say. It sounds really bad!" Then he proceeds to tell me that he finally got a chance to take a peek at my ass in " those tight pink jeans" I had on at the party. WTF?!?! Nigga, you sick!

So I give you these scenarios to say this: None of these young men ever approached me in the right way. All they did was initiate conversations. From there they went assuming that since I say, "hey" back I want them to jump my bones, marry me, or be my lover. None of them ever took the time to get to know me....all conversations revolved around them and their freaky fantasies (guy #1), their boring life in general (guy #2), or their boring freaky life (guy #3). Questions about me centered around me getting involved with them in some kind of manner. I think guy #2 wouldn't have been so bad if he wouldn't have made such a bad impression in my room that time. You just don't lay your hot, stankin, sweaty body down on somebody's bed like that, ESPECIALLY when you don't even really know them!

I feel like these guys were trying to rush me into relationships without getting to know me first, and this pisses me off. I'm more than just a pretty face, and I'm WORTH getting to know!! None of them EVER asked if I was involved with someone else...I mean, what happened to dudes asking up front, "You got a man??" I mean, they don't do it anymore and I think it's because they don't care...OH BUT THEY SHOULD! Guy #3 is learning the hard way, because I think I hurt his little pride IN PUBLIC at that party. He should have come correct!

I told Guy #1 I was involved a while back, and he ignored...I mean, what do these fools want me to do? They all have good friendship qualities, but they'd rather skip that and jump head first into a FUCKED up relationship...and I'll be damned if I become a statistic on UAB's campus! That's why i don't fuck with UAB dudes now!

The moral of the story is: in order to get with me, there has to be an initial connection (check), and an ESTABLISHED friendship (all were lacking). Therefore, certain details about our lives should be shared...not forced out. My longest lasting, and best relationships blossomed out of real, true friendship...Like the one my hunny and I share now. We've been friends since '06...we KNOW each other, and most importantly, we are COMFORTABLE around each other! That's what I'm looking for. I heard it somewhere..."Comfort is the only thing in your life you have control over." You control what your environment is 9 times out of 10 and whether or not you can deal with the setting...That's my point.

So to those 3 guys, and others who may potentially want to try me...I'm not into that quick shit! Get to know me first, and then we'll talk (LITERALLY!)!!!

Shout-outs to my REAL homeboys: EB, Mar, Bran, Juan, BMC, Quin, Merl, and Bookie

And to my BOO: HOUSTON!!!!!!