FINALLY!!! Beach Recap 1: Monday--August 4th

PRE-CURSOR:
For the past 8 or 9 years, my family has ventured to Gulf Shores/Orange Beach for a little fun. The past two years have been something else...us staying at one of the most bourgois condos in Orange beach, Phoenix on the Bay II. This needs to be our LAST year going down here. It's fun...but frankly, it's getting old. People call it the "Redneck Riviera" because of all the racist whites out there...Plus it's Obama season y'all. I ain't tryna die on no subsequent vacations!! Please believe! anyhoo, enjoy these pics real quick before I get into what happened on Monday.


Phoenix on the Bay II


Big Timing. It costs thousands of dollars to stay here for a couple of days. We do it for a week. But trust, it wasn't easy. We started saving for this trip last year, right after we got off the last one.


The infamous slide


I take damn good pictures!


The condo across the way. Not nearly as grand as our property


Another view



So... my recap of summer vacation starts with Monday, August 4, 2008--the day one of my best friends in the world turned the BIG 21!!!

Birthday Girl!!!!


My hunny lives in these parts in a town about 10 minutes outside of Gulf Shores. Initially he and I were supposed to rendevous on this vacation, but that never happened as he decided to return to H-ville early in preparation for the new school year. Sucks for me, right? So the plan for the day was to get up with Gemini's (formerly The Russian) best friend (whom my cousin is "talking to") and some of his boys to show Quanita a great time on her 21st birthday. So we start getting ready around 1pm (well I do, because I had to go to the bank with my mom). The guys were supposed to come get us around 4pm. There was already some confusion and ambiguity about that because dude, I will call him "Redd", drives a Mustang...and he was already gonna be 3 deep...A mustang will NOT hold 6 people comfortably...well not a convertible anyways. Redd just kept going on and on about how he wanted his cousin "Big Boy", and homie "Squint" along for the fun. I was skeptical as to why the extra body was needed, since I wasn't looking for anyone to kick it with. Quanita was supposed to hang with Squint, and my cousin Chell with Redd...I was gonna be fifth wheel, but wasn't worried about it. Whatevs...I'd just call Gemini and talk to him or something.

But yeah...we get ready and are looking fly:

Chell lookin like a hot tamale, dressed in red for Redd...


Wuddup, BIH!?

So yeah, we lookin fly and what not. Smelling good, excited, nervous, the whole 9 (mind you, we had never met ANY of these guys before, but cuzzo had been talkin to Redd on the phone for about a month). So 4pm rolls around, y'all...and I swear!! Chell calls Redd to ask him where he is...this NEGRO has the audacity to say he's waiting on his cousin or some bull shit. Nigg, you supposed to BEEN in Orange Beach at 4...you ain't EVEN LEFT THE HOUSE!!!

So Chell gets in bitch mode, pissed off cuz the nigga ain't doin what he said he was gone do. Plus time's a tickin and we were trying to get out ASAP as to get the most out of our little adventure to come. So there we are, all laying on my bed watching Disney Channel, waiting on these fools. My ass fell asleep...I think Quan drifted off too...

Y'all...it was 7 O CLOCK before these mufuckas showed up!!! Okay, so the "day light" is damn near gone!!! When they got to Orange Beach, they ended up going to the wrong property. They were at POB I instead of POB 2. We went all downstairs looking for these niggas, and they're in the wrong place!!! They finally made their way to our floor, and when we got there, they were just standing there looking dumb and bored. Very attractive, the 3 of them tho. I didn't take pics of them for a few reasons I won't discuss.

Anyway, Redd and Big Boy looked mixed, so we surely thought they were apart of a family staying at POB 2, Squint (I thought) was just their homeboy they'd asked to come hang out or something. It occurred to me slightly that the guys may be the Motley Crew we'd been waiting 3 hrs for, but shit, I was pissed so I breezed right by all three of their asses, went inside the condo and slammed the door behind me...OOPS, strike 1, My bad!

So...Quan follows me in, and then Chell. These niggas knocked and I said, "That's probably them..."and rolled my eyes. Chell started acting EXTRA brand new and put on this front like, "I ain't telling them to come in!" I'm like, ain't this what you been waiting for for a MONTH and 3 hrs!?!? She goes out and gets the boys. They all walk in OUR condo without speaking and head straight for the living room area. Niggas plop down on a couch and tell Chell to tell us to "Come out". Me and Quanita look at each other then get up and head out. Quanita is REALLY quiet so she never has much to say. That was expected. I spoke, she mumbled something and then I sat down.

WHEN I SAY THAT BITCH WAS DEAD!!!! Nobody was talking, not even Chell or Redd to each other. I was so confused, cuz ok...you got the nigga over here, and had OH SO MUCH to say, cussing him out on the phone and stuff, and then when he's in your presence, you are on MUTE!? FOR REAL?!? That pissed me off ROYALY!! So me, being the most socially concious, I strike up a convo. I say, "So who are y'all??" These niggas think they runnin game, so they switch out names, well, at least Redd and Big Boy do, as to confuse Chell of which red-boy she is actually talkin to. A conversation was sparked...OH IT WAS SPARKED ALRIGHT!! And all hell broke loose from there!!

Jesus, Redd is a schitzo, I believe. One minute he was cool, calm and collected. The next he is yelling at me, saying I got an attitude, when I'm just trying to make conversation with his crazy ass. He goes off on some tangent because I mentioned that I thought he'd be taller from the pics Chell and I saw on facebook. I think I embarrassed him. BUT SHIT, they were ALL short...and uhhh...we were too. HE GOT MAD, Y'ALL!!! Strike 2 on me....Oh Lord, strike 3 is where the shit hit the fan for real...

So, I'm already semi-perturbed with Chell's lack of conversation and self-imposed put on and shyness...then Redd's ass hauls off talking bout "so what we doin"? We (me, Chell, and Quan) all start speaking at once. "WE thought WE were going somewhere tonight!" Then Chell wanna speak up talking about how she thought we were supposed to be going shopping, out to eat, and to a movie. Redd scoffs (LAUGHS, y'all), and is like, "How 6 folks gone fit up in my Mustang?" I roll my eyes. Was he serious. So you came up in this bitch with no plan and NO apologies....then he did the unthinkable! This nigga asked me what we had to eat. Was like, "We should order pizza!!" To lighten the mood, I jokingly stated, "you payin?" OH MY GOODNESS!! I should have NOT said that...I should have kept my damn mouth closed. This fool launches a verbal assault on me. Getting all upset and excited talking bout I'm disrespecting him, I have an attitude, all this bull. Then he has the fucking NERVE to compare me to Gemini's ex, whom I have no official BEEF with, but let's just say we don't care for each other. I know of her, and she knows of me...

But hold up homie...Redd, I DON'T KNOW YOU AT ALL!!! Who the fuck did he think he was buckin up on me and comparing me to that girl?!?! He said, "you remind me of someone...OH!!! Gemini's ex...you know her don't you...yeah, you got an attitude just like her" and he made a stank face! OMG, y'all I bout peed in my pants and shed a tear at the same time! Now how would he have felt if I started comparing him to Chell's ex who she STILL has communication with. I know if Redd knew that he would have a hissy fit.

I texted Gemini these words: "Your boy is crazy" and he called me wanting to know what was goin on...I didn't have much to say at the time. Y'all honestly I was shocked and appauled, I was upset and heated that his ass arrived at our condo late and subsequently wasn't planning on taking us anywhere. We hadn't eaten since breakfast early that morning and this nigga is asking us to PAY for a pizza that he and his cronies are probably gonna try to eat up themselves!!

I laughed Redd's verbal assault off, but I was truly hurt and offended and all Gemini did was laugh. I felt defeated, and I felt the stinging tears welling up in my eyes. I didn't shed A one tho...

So skipping stupid shit, Redd gets Chell to the back. I'm still on the phone with Gemini. I go back there too...Redd gets on my phone talking to Gemini telling him I got a bad attitude and I'm showing out. I'm like, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS NIGGA, REALLY?!?!?!?"

Ok...so skipping other stupid shit, you know, him whining to his boys, talking bout he ready to go cuz I (SHY) has an attitude with him and he don't feel like being disrespected! I'm seriously confused at where all this hostility is coming from at this point. He then tells Chell, privately of course that he is just causing a scene to get HER in the back ALONE with him. She tells him if that's the case, he should apologize...

When he finally decided to stop being an ass and apologize, I honestly still wasn't feelin that shit. I accepted, but was highly put-off for the rest of the night. When the folks (my Mom, aunt, and Grandma and the kids) got back we (as in, me, Chell, Quan, and the guys) went down to the Bay.

Chell and Redd ran off into the look-out tower and that is where they stayed for the next 2-2.5 hours. Quanita and I chatted it up with the actual COOL dudes, Big Boy and Squint. If it weren't for them being cool enough to chill with, I would have holed myself in that condo for the REST of the night. They even apologized to Quan for her lack luster b-day, but she claimed she had fun. Whatevs. It don't take much to please Lil Bit!

Anyhoo...the last bit of this horrendous night occurs after the guys leave. We still hadn't eaten A THING...so my mom offers to take us to McDonalds. Boy I was still heated. I decided to confront Chell about that stupid shit her lil boo pulled at the condo. I was EXTREMELY nice and calm about it, but I let her know that if she did anything else with him over the course of the week to count me out, cuz I didn't feel comfortable around him. I guess this made her mad or something. She defended him a lil and said, "Well I like him, and I had fun". I was like, "That's good." What the fuck did she want me to say. I'm glad you had fun, boo...but I don't care!

So yeah, we get back to the condo and she hops her happy ass on the phone with that idiot...and when she gets off, she has this NASTY, funky ass attitude...WITH ME!!!! Like I did something to HER! I guess he told her that if she cared so much about what I thought about him, she shouldn't talk to him...and I guess that pissed her off. Guess she thought I was fuckin up her chances because I was being too sensitive or something. What the fuck ever! I now know that this girl will definitely put a nigga BEFORE family!! And she ain't even known him for that long, that's what's CRAZY!!!

I digress y'all. This shit had me stressed. She woke up Tuesday morning with a 'tude too, but by the time it was time for us to go to the mall, we smoothed that shit out and she gave me a big hug. i dropped that shit off in the Bay of my mind, because I was DETERMINED to have a great trip, despite Eve's curse coming at the most inopportune time, despite Mario's untimely death, and despite the hellish drama of Monday. And guess what?

Shit got better from there!! More later!!