"Skee-Wee, and GOOD-BYE!!!"Happy Birthday, Tee-Tee!!! I love you!!!
This post is gonna be short and sweet.
2008...what have you given me?Hey all!! Hope your Christmases were AWESOME, and that you got everything that you wanted and needed, and that you got to spend it with who you wanted to. I didn't get anything on my Christmas list :-(....but it's all gravy. I'm well aware that it is better to give than to receive, and trust me, I did a LOT of giving, spending money I didn't have.
I'm just blessed and thankful to be alive and looking foward to the new year.
Over the break, I realized that I need to let go of my pursuit of ole dude...formerly Houston, formerly the boy, formerly The Russian etc.
He's just way too inconsiderate and I'm tired of always being blamed for his shortcomings. I'm tired of his excuses, and his inability to take responsibility for his actions. I realize now that we are better off as friends until he grows up, and then we can try again.
I guess, in a way he tried to tell me he wasn't the one. My persistance got me into this mess...but I'm determined to get myself out. I've been praying about it, and everytime I have a lingering thought of him I ask God to "remove the longing". I don't want him completely removed from my life because he is a good friend. I DO, however, want any romantic thoughts and feelings to dissipate until he gets his shit together and can pursue me like a real man.
I am worthy of true love. I deserve it, and one day it will come. Patience is indeed a virtue, and I bet I will have one of the best fairy tales to tell my kids one day.
Oh, and don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to blame him for us not working...I blame him for not admitting fault and trying to fix it. I blame him for not trying to reach out me...He told me about a month ago that he could sense the end of our friendship...he told me that if it ended, it'd be my fault because I wouldn't reach out to him. Sorry buddy...you're prediction was only half true. I've done nothing BUT try for a whole damn year...OH WELL...
No use crying over a nigga I never had in the first place. WOrd to the wise...inconsiderate behavior will get you no where with ANY WOMAN unless the bitch is dumb.
I'd like to think we'll always be friends, but I'm tired of trying...time to move on....
Anyhoo...TOODLES
P.S. We had some good times, but it wasn't fun while it lasted! Oh, and friendship is a reciprocal situation. The sooner he grasps that concept, the better off he'll be.
This song sums up our twisted relationship/friendship to a mother fuckin TEE and I never noticed til today, but I've known this song since it came out..."Nothing Lasts Forever" by Maroon5 (auto play taken off...visit imeem.com to hear full song)
"It is so easy to see disfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls before the sadness kills us both
I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last, but I don't know
I just don't know"
Chorus:
"Everyday...with every word whispered we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way"
AND IT IS...at least for me right now!
I found these stories a while back on a message board I used to frequent. This shit had me rolling...I can relate, because my grandma in GA used to have roaches something terrible, and I swear one of them bitches bit me and gave me a rash that I have to this day!!! Anyhoo, enjoy!!
Story 1:
"son i'm dying right now because this shit is mad true...my thing is i don't even think its always a matter of them trying to front and hoping you dont see it...i honestly think it's so prevalent they dont even notice like that, it becomes a natural part of the decorum in the crib....
boom i remember back in the days i met this girl at black expo, we exchanged numbers and kicked it on the horn for a week or so before we actually decided to meet up at her place in brownsville for a movie night...soon as i stepped in her lab there were like three roaches parlaying on the pre-requisite wooden fork and spoon on the kitchen wall so i knew this was going to be trouble...we sit on the couch and [ZOOM!] two more race across the coffee table, i said "oh shit!" in shock at their raw speed and how they chillin in large numbers like niggas...she was like, "don't worry they aint gonna bother you"...turned out the lights, popped the movie in and got cozy on the couch next to me...
so after a while we're kissing and i'm an eyes open kisser, yo once i went for her neck? BOOM, i peep one on the wall above her couch, duke was brolic and his antennaes were moving like thunder sticks, i was shook son...so anyway she backed off the kissing like, we're moving too fast and i was good with that because i needed to keep my eyes on that damn wall...well the movie diverted my attention from him for a few minutes and the next thing you know i felt something on my neck...i jumped up screaming, "AH SHIT, THE ROACH JUMPED ON ME YO! THE ROACH! A FUCKIN ROACH!" while i jumped up and down and ran in circles like a little kid....it was then i realized that my hoody string was up on my shoulder and fell down grazing my neck....after that it was a wrap to say the least, she was mad embarrassed...she said, "well, i'm kinda tired sooo"...and i was like, "yeah me too" and i bounced out of there with the quickness...once i got outside i went into a blimpie's bathroom and took off all my clothes and shook them shits out thoroughly...we never kicked it again, i'm itchin right now just thinkin about it smh.…"--Claude
Story 2:
"smh you know you got a roach prolem when you dont give a fuck about roaches no more....I dont even bother pickin up dead roaches no more....they all over in random places...yall woulda thought some roaches detonated a suicide bomb while they homies was parlaein in my crib....I found one in my fridge mane....and I was thinking....how the fuck.....ahhh....never mind.....and shut that shit and continued my day....smh"
--Vance
First, I would like to start this post off by stating that I am not talking about the conventional means of speed-dating...the whole going to some location, sitting down at a table and having random people sit at the other seat across from you and try to get to know you in 15 minutes (or less). NO, I'm not talking about that shit, because my life hasn't come to a place where I need to speed-date in that manner at the age of 20.
I'm talking about rushing into a damn relationship out of guilt or pressure. That USED to be me when I was a young teen. These guys would guilt me out of my good sense, and I'd be booed up with them, only to find that they were messing with other girls as well. My problem was that I could NEVER say no to these dudes. They made me feel so bad with their sob stories...I gave in like a dummy and always ended up regretting the shit. What it comes down to is that I was letting them take advantage of me. I was naiive.
So now, at the tender age of 20, I find myself in similar situations, but things are different this time around. I've learned that even though I'm caught up emotionally with the boy, to keep my options WIDE open...
Anyhoo..back to the point at hand. In January of this year, I found myself in a situation with a guy that goes to my school. We fooled around or whatever...to my dissatisfaction...but I guess this dude doesn't have much experience with females, because he can't pick up on the OBVIOUS clues that I don't want to deal with him like that. He's a cool person, but I'm not physically attracted to him anymore...haven't been since that day he came to my room! We never clicked on any other levels, so honestly, I don't get why he's still so persistant. It is THE LAST MONTH of the year, and dude still texting me. No, I'm not going to send you pictures of me! No, I don't want to see your naked dick!! I told him a long time ago I was involved with someone, guess he doesn't care...ass hole!!
The next guy, was this guy I met at a school function. He was cute, or whatever. He asked for my number, I gave it to him. You know, no big deal. I stopped assuming every guy that talked to me wanted to get in my draws a long time ago. He didn't give off that vibe. Okay, so he calls or whatver...and we really have very little in common so I get bored quickly. He wants to get lunch one day, so I invite him to my dorm for some chicken wings and shit. He comes in my room sweaty and hot from walking across campus, plops down on my bed, lays on my AKA pillow like a fool...DUDE!! WTF??! Then he's rubbing all on my back and shit! First of all, WTFB?!?! WHat are you doing? Let's just say, that was the end of that shit. I saw him the other day and he goes, "You been hiding from me, haven't you?"! I wanted to say HELL YEAH...but I kept it moving.
The last dude is really a piece of work. He messaged me randomly on facebook and stuff at the beginning of the fall semester...and then we found out we stayed in the same dorm. Dude has been on my ass like crazy, but since he is kinda flirty with a lot of females, again I tried not to assume that he was trying to get the booty. Okay....extremely long story short...I was at a party this past Thursday, and this dude straight up cornered me in a bathroom, locked the door and asked me why he didn't have a chance with me, when CLEARLY I had told him 10 minutes before that I didn't see him in that way. Then he facebook-chatted me yesterday and was like, "Why did you run from me at the party?" I was like....I wasn't running, dude. He was like, "I wanted to take advantage of you when we were in that bathroom, but I controlled myself". Something inside me went off like an atom bomb. I told him that what he had just written was NOT something you tell a female! You don't know what my past was like, if I've been "taken advantage of" before. He was like, "I don't see what's wrong with me expressing the way I feel". I was like, "That's just something you don't say. It sounds really bad!" Then he proceeds to tell me that he finally got a chance to take a peek at my ass in " those tight pink jeans" I had on at the party. WTF?!?! Nigga, you sick!
So I give you these scenarios to say this: None of these young men ever approached me in the right way. All they did was initiate conversations. From there they went assuming that since I say, "hey" back I want them to jump my bones, marry me, or be my lover. None of them ever took the time to get to know me....all conversations revolved around them and their freaky fantasies (guy #1), their boring life in general (guy #2), or their boring freaky life (guy #3). Questions about me centered around me getting involved with them in some kind of manner. I think guy #2 wouldn't have been so bad if he wouldn't have made such a bad impression in my room that time. You just don't lay your hot, stankin, sweaty body down on somebody's bed like that, ESPECIALLY when you don't even really know them!
I feel like these guys were trying to rush me into relationships without getting to know me first, and this pisses me off. I'm more than just a pretty face, and I'm WORTH getting to know!! None of them EVER asked if I was involved with someone else...I mean, what happened to dudes asking up front, "You got a man??" I mean, they don't do it anymore and I think it's because they don't care...OH BUT THEY SHOULD! Guy #3 is learning the hard way, because I think I hurt his little pride IN PUBLIC at that party. He should have come correct!
I told Guy #1 I was involved a while back, and he ignored...I mean, what do these fools want me to do? They all have good friendship qualities, but they'd rather skip that and jump head first into a FUCKED up relationship...and I'll be damned if I become a statistic on UAB's campus! That's why i don't fuck with UAB dudes now!
The moral of the story is: in order to get with me, there has to be an initial connection (check), and an ESTABLISHED friendship (all were lacking). Therefore, certain details about our lives should be shared...not forced out. My longest lasting, and best relationships blossomed out of real, true friendship...Like the one my hunny and I share now. We've been friends since '06...we KNOW each other, and most importantly, we are COMFORTABLE around each other! That's what I'm looking for. I heard it somewhere..."Comfort is the only thing in your life you have control over." You control what your environment is 9 times out of 10 and whether or not you can deal with the setting...That's my point.
So to those 3 guys, and others who may potentially want to try me...I'm not into that quick shit! Get to know me first, and then we'll talk (LITERALLY!)!!!
Shout-outs to my REAL homeboys: EB, Mar, Bran, Juan, BMC, Quin, Merl, and Bookie
And to my BOO: HOUSTON!!!!!!
*I look hella relaxed and happy....(I really wasn't...I was pissed), but I want to give the facade that I'm in chill-mode for the time being.*
Hey y'all!! Sorry for the lack of updates, but I've had technical issues with my pc (that is working now...for the moment), and I'm also studying for dreaded FINALS, but I decided to take a break for a minute to relax...So yeah, check out Beyonce's song, "Halo" off of her I Am...Sasha Fierce album...my friend Bennie put me on it!! Great song...reminds me of my boo when he's not trippin.
Pray for me that I do well on my finals tomorrow. I have 2.5 tests to take (Chem @ 8am, Genetics @ 10:45 and a retake in genetics). I need a B in genetics and at least a C in Chem...like FOR REAL! My GPA, my stint at UAB, and my sanity depend on these two grades!!! After these exams, I will be FREE again until Jan.7th!!! I hope all of you are well! I will be making blog rounds after 12pm tomorrow...or later...I'm sure you understand, lol.
Love y'all! Peace...OH, and HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY, EBD!! I love ya! :-)
Anyhoo...
