WTF...naw really...what the fuck?!

What is going on?!?! I want to talk about these two guys I know...and their issues...and I hope they never find this (at least no time soon..), but I mean, what's wrong? I guess I won't focus so much on them as I don't wanna cause no drama or confusion.

I guess the topic I want to touch on is why can't these hopeless mofos just enjoy being single? Now before you think I'm being cold and heartless, let me explain...

I have this male friend (who will remain anonymous) who is always telling me about his latest relationship endeavors. No matter how much I express to him that maybe, just maybe I don't give a damn, he still manages to drop me a line on facebook telling me what's going on. Now it wouldn't bother me so much, normally...but my problem with him is...I'll tell him stuff and give him advice from a female's perspective as a genuine friend, and he (and another guy I know) will take that info and basically shit on it. They do not take heed, and frankly I'm tired of wasting my damn breath!

Case 1: Dude, don't keep coming to me tellin me that you met this girl and you think she's the one. Save that shit for someone who cares. You should know by now that I just don't give a fuck! I asked him today, HOW ARE U SO SURE THIS GIRL IS THE ONE??? Didn't you just kick one off the team a couple of days ago...you said she was the one too...Get your shit straight, or just stop coming to me with this mess.

But I think I know what his issue is...and I mentioned this in a previous post...this guy feels that (thinks that) if he tells me about what all girls he's talking to, all the females he's pulling and the play he's getting and all that shit...that i'll get jealous or some shit and start liking him...NEWSFLASH BOO, I stopped being like that BEFORE I met you! WOW! And he still hasn't caught on. And I am determined not to fall for him, because doing so would be settling for less. I'm sorry, but these things I'm saying would be also said to his face. I have no qualms about that! But yeah, he thinks he has me pegged, but he is oh so wrong.

I've been single for nearly 3 years, and he's been on-again-off-again with a whole bunch of broads. I haven't come crying to his ass yet and don't plan on it.

Case 2: I love this guy to death, I really do. And what's endearing is that he's like a little brother to me (or younger brother, my "little brother" is literally little--7 yrs old). I really feel like my words of wisdom can do this guy some good, right? Well, he's in a situation with a highly detested female on our campus (not saying I DETEST her, but she works my nerves on a constant basis). He's liked her since the moment he laid eyes on her, he also fell in love with her wild/loud/crazy personality I'm supposing. But I mean, she's shot him down since day one of his expressions of love for her, and our 2nd year into school she is still treating him like shit, if not worse than before.

And so he comes to me and two other amigas for words of advice, encouragement, opinions. We, seeing the pain this GIRL is causing him, tell him to leave her alone and move on...does he listen? NOOOPE! And I mean, we've broken shit down for him and everything, but for whatever reason, he can't seem to lose that grip. Well, I finally told him I'm tired of voicing my opinions on the situation (more like advice), and it falling on deaf ears. Sure opinions are opinions and mostly one-sided but in his situation, It's not like I'm telling him to do anything that I think will cause him pain or suffering (in the long run). But I mean, he'd rather endure that long-term pain and neglect than go ahead and be thru with her, chunk deuces, hurt a little and then start looking for someone who will truly make him happy. I told him I'm through with THAT situation and I will not be offering anymore WORDS on the subject. But because I haven't given up hope on him totally, I will listen to anything else...deeming that it doesn't end up like this here situation.

Which leads me to my final point. Why the hell can't these dudes just enjoy single life? What the hell is wrong with being single? ESPECIALLY IF UR SHIT NEVER SEEMS TO BE IN PLACE WHEN U ARE WITH SOMEONE!!! They bitch and moan about being alone, but don't know the first thing about being truly committed to someone and how to maintain a relationship (not saying I do, but I have an idea). It seems as if these dudes want to have their cake and eat it too, and buddy...maybe in real life that's how it works, but metaphorically that shit doesn't fly too often.

I can't say I'm ready to make that leap to Committment Land, yet. I HAVE A LOT GOING ON RIGHT NOW...that's why I make the situation clear with anyone who has an interest in me that I am mutally interested in. I just wanna cuddle, watch movies, chill, laugh, take walks, maybe go out sometimes-type thing with you. I don't necessarily have to be your girl...but it needs to understand that we're "something" (again...a whole 'nother post). I gotta get these grades so I can make this money; when things start to slow down, then we can settle down, ya know? EVERYBODY IS BUSY (or should be), and if you ain't I can't deal! SORRY! This type of situation sets the tone and foundation for the rest of a pretty decent, if not beautiful courtship and possibly long term relationship. But maybe I'm just living in a damn fantasy world. But seems like I got a better grip on reality than some of these mofos...ANYWAYZ...

People need to learn how to love self, before they can love someone else. Case 1 does not fully love himself, because if he did, he'd have confidence in himself (something that I find attractive), and he would have BEEN told me that he liked me. Who knows (then) what would have happened? But his ways disgust me so badly today, that he has a snowy chance in hell that I'd see what's up with him. He's the main one that needs to chill the fuck out and take some self-help/love/discovery classes! DAMN!

Case 2 doesn't love himself either, because if he did, he'd know that he's worth a hell of a lot more that that bitch gives him credit for. He'd know that he has something to offer to a girl and that she obviously doesn't see it and therefore is not deserving of him. He'd know how to decipher real from fake and who is for and against him. A TRUE friend will tell you the mother fucking TRUTH...point...blank...period. And when it comes to guy friends I don't really feel anything is at stake so I let it all out. (With girls, it's different, shouldn't be but that's another post in itself).

I promise you I tear into Case 1's ass every chance I get, because he says some of the most stupid shit and THESE DAYS tries to justify it (weakly, but nonetheless). I don't buy it tho, bro. And I mean, I'm calling this brand of truth TOUGH LOVE...I love them niggas, but they are extremely foolish when it comes to matters of the heart. I don't want to see them hurt, but a lot of the pain and anguish they experience are brought on by bad decisions and choices on their part. Very rarely do they follow my advice...

Oh and recently Case 1 came to me with a success story (so I thought). He had actually taken my advice (so it seemed, but he took stuff I said and twisted it to fit his situation...he didn't actually do what I said). Ultimately things didn't work out, cuz the girl wasn't for him in the beginning. He can't blame it on me because he started dating chick a wk after meeting her....whatever...

Word to the wise: take time to get to know some of these girls before you start getting all excited or boosting up they're heads about what you can/will do for them. In the end, the time it takes for you to get to know them and figure them out will be well worth it when you have that "ultimate" prize on your arms" --this goes for ladies too!

And I'm out!

Back In the Day Music Post

I am so in love with Luther Vandross and his music. My mother is a huge fan of Luther, so it was only natural for me to take after her in that respect. But even I, at the age of 19 can appreciate the depth and richness of Luther's voice. He has one of the most angelic, unflawed voices I have ever heard. I LOVE U LUTHER and MISS U SOOOO MUCH!!! You were supposed to sing at my wedding, boo. It's okay because I will be playing and possibly singing some of your songs myself that day. This song I'm about to post is called, "So Amazing"...

Funny story: I was lying in my bed one night trying to get to sleep. All of a sudden a tune pops into my head. "Love has truly been good to me, not even one sad day or minute have I had since you've come my way"...and I couldn't get it out of my head. Next thing you know I'm looking up lyrics and trying to find a free download (which I have been unsuccessful). I'll be buying it on iTunes in a couple of days. But anyway, here is a video of Luther V. performing this beautiful song LIVE. This song, along with "Here and Now" will be played at my wedding.

R.I.P. Luther!!!!

This is SOOOO CUTE!!!

TELL ME IT AIN'T!!!

You're getting on my nerves...

I'm sorry...I have to air this shit out cuz it's getting ON MY LAST NERVE!!!! When I tell you that this mess is bothering me...it truly is. Not only does it make me uncomfortable, it upsets me and all I wanna know is why?

I don't wanna see no crying and hear no bitching about why these folks choose to hide this mess. It's not like people don't already know or suspect. Ask anybody and they say, "Go figure", or even, "DUH". Yet you say you don't care...well obviously you do if you're creeping around in the dark, hiding behind facebook saying you're into something that you're REALLY NOT...

I could give two shits if you are a male interested in a male...I really could. What you choose to do in your personal life has no direct affect on me...UNTIL YOU START TO FREAKIN LIE ABOUT IT...THEN I HAVE A PROBLEM. And don't say, "I just don't want people all up in my business..." Buddy, that shit was breeched a long time ago when you chose to act the way you do. MAYBE, some of you can't help the way your voice sounds or the way you walk, or your mannerisms...but some of y'all...DAMN....REALLY?!?! And wanna get mad if somebody asks you, but then turn right around and embrace that shit in the dark.

What's done in the dark will come to the light. Some of you who think you have the wool over our eyes are the one's who are the fools. I promise you, I don't judge you because of your sexuality. All but maybe 3 of you I am EXTREMELY fond of and love you to death and what you do in the bedroom really has no bearings on my life. But please don't try to play me like a shawty...PLEASE!!!

When I say that your lying hurts me, I really mean emotionally, because you and I both know that YOU are not attracted to me. But I see you trying so hard to hold back a comment on how fine another dude is...or who you think is cute. And as much as it hurts you...it's hurting me. Cuz I know that you are fighting a battle within yourself to keep quiet about your true feelings. I KNOW HOW THAT FEELS!!! But that shit is damaging to your health! You don't have to tell me...just stop lying and denying all together tho.

When you hurt, I hurt and that's what friends are for...literally. Even if I'm not your closest friend, if I have a general interest in your well-being, I don't like to see you in pain. I don't get joy out of seeing others in misery or sorrow. But I see your inner turmoil and it's taking a toll on me as well. You smile on the outside DAILY...and have one of the most beautiful smiles, may I add...you all do, but inside I know you hurt like hell.

STOP LYING TO YOURSELF AND OTHERS...is all I'm trying to say. I've seen enough TV to know that it's not easy for you all to take that BIG step (especially some of you), but this is just a plea for a change of mind...for you to think about it, be real with yourself, and just step out on faith in the one you claim to love so much...WHO WILL LOVE YOU IN SPITE OF!!! If family and friends can't understand or don't want to...forget them (again that will be hard). But know that you have one friend that's still on your side!!! Don't let anybody tell you you won't be successful. Keep doing what you do, and again if you believe in the same GOD I believe in, then you have nothing to worry about but judgement day...

This is one of those posts where I could go on and on...but I won't because I feel this isn't the first or last time I will need to revisit this topic...anyway, lemme go...I'm not feeling too well right now...*chunks deuces*

Ummm...Hell naw...

So um, are some of these guys kidding me? Are they seriously going to run around and beg to be chased? In my opinion, none of them (except my object of desire) is worthy enough to be chased. They have the game twisted horribly and need a freakin reality check and some private lessons from some real men. Makes no damn sense how many girls wanna get with these niggas, and all they do is smile and nod...THAT'S IT, and I kid you NOT!!!

When they see girls coming their way that they don't know, or don't hang with regularly, what do they do...? SMILE and M&Fin NOD...a hot mess...I have no time for that.

My parents were old fashioned in their courting. My dad spotted my mom, asked his football coach about her (his football coach was my mom's aunt's baby-daddy), they prolly talked a while and then exchanged digits. I know mama used to tell me daddy would ride over to her house from campus or his apartment ON A BICYCLE and visit her. My mom saw something special in him for doing that...Many men would have been too embarrassed to court on a bike...he could have asked one of his homeboys to drop him off...But all that didn't matter! What mattered is that he wanted the girl...that's ALL that mattered.

These days, the trifling negros I come into contact with on a daily basis are more concerned about their "waves", their jewlery, their cars, and clothes...how many stacks they got and who they're impressing...They want the females they are interested in to be thinking and worrying about the same thing (and we all know females can take that kind of shit to a whole 'nother level). But how the hell is that gonna work out when you got two self-centered materialistic mfers, no one is concerned about the passion and chemistry in the relationship--if that person can treat you right or make you smile...naw...they worried about who gone look the best when they go to the Continental that weekend. GET OFF!!!

I can attest to the fact that this is indeed a rant, but I'm highly disliking what I'm seeing around my campus and around my hometown. Negroes...take a step back and look at some things realisticly. SOMEBODY HAS TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE SUSTAINING AND MAINTAINING OF A RELATIONSHIP...that's why that shit don't ever work!! (Jessyca, here's the answer to your question, boo right here!). Worried about the wrong damn thing!

I was on somebody's myspace the other day, looking at one of those surveys we all like to take. When the part about what he likes in a female came up, most of responses were "hers"...when they asked what kind of body type, he answered "hers", when they asked what eye color he answered "hers"... It was a beautiful thing to see that he is interested in her--FOR HER. She ain't gotta come to him with stacks on deck, she ain't gotta be the flyyest thing walking. If he sees "her" and likes what he sees, then it's all about her. That shit just really touched my soul! And I mean, we all have specificities and ain't nothin wrong with that, technically. But it just boggled my mind that this guy has it all figured out. I believe that survey showed where his mind is at and that he knows how to treat a girl. WHOEVER snags him is going to be one LUCKY ass female! That is a promise.

But yeah, there are more thoughts swimming through my head about this topic, but I think it's about time for me to get ready for church...so I'll HOLLA when I get the chance! ONE!!!

I thought about it and...

*this is the spoken word piece I was talking about...I wrote it a couple of nights ago when I really got to thinking about some situations I've been thru with guys. This piece is specifically about 3 different guys in 3 different stages or points in my life...Hope you like it!*

Life is too short to pass up opportunities to get to know someone
Life is too short to decide it’s not worth it to smile and say hello
I, myself am tired of wondering “what if”—I really am
I deserve to be happy too
Like she said…I just want someone that I can be happy about seeing everyday
That’s all I want too…
And low and behold, I spot you, take interest and wait
And wait, and wait, and wait, and wait
Throw hints, make remarks
Secretly (so I think) investing so much time on my appearance
“Changing”, in a way, all to impress you
All just to get you to GLANCE my way…
It’s tiring and I cry about it
I beat myself up about it, and wonder why?
What’s wrong with me? How come I can’t get him to see?
Did I ignore your feelings back then?
Was I oblivious to YOUR advances?
I apologize…
Karma’s no joke.
Now you’re happy, and with another…or you were with her all along
Dare I say it
Oh well, nothing I can do about it
“How you get him is how you lose him”
She said that too, and it’s OH SO TRUE
I’m deciding to take it slow
Focus on me, getting my life straight
Making a checklist of things about ME I want to change—for me—this time.
There’s a lot wrong with me, but I never claim to be perfect
Or anywhere near it
I’m vulnerable, shy, sensitive, and a bit paranoid
And…
Yes, I’m boy-crazy
I’ve discovered that’s some of the problem
BOY-CRAZY…yeah…I can be crazy about them, without acting on it
And then it happens.
O….M…G…
Never thought…and wondering how and why
Am I deserving?
Then she asks me, “Why do people receive a blessing and still question God?”
I felt bad, cuz she’s right
He didn’t have to do it, but He did
And now I feel special again, in the context of feeling “liked”
Or whatever
I go with the flow…hoping that the current takes me on a looooooooong journey
With Prince Charming
One that I’m willing to go through the good and the bad for
Maybe that’s the problem right there…Prince…who?
Nevertheless…
It’s amazing and I hope things stay this way for a while
Or better yet progress
I used to like you
Maybe I still do
But damn it, if I can’t get you to see it, let alone understand it…
Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids
And I’m so tired of the games
YOU’VE GOT TO KNOW…really…
You don’t?
It’s not obvious?
Always been afraid of rejection
And seems like you know that
And you’re capitalizing on that
You want me to come out and say it
To tell you how I REALLY feel…
3 words…

WON’T BE ABLE!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOOS!!!!

Happy Birthday Shout-outs are in order for the following special people in my life!!! *note: you are "special" to me if your name gets put on my calendar in my room...if I add you on for a reason, but you only show up for a year...doesn't really mean you're special. There are a few exceptions...*

Happy Birthday to my ROOMMATE KASEY, who turned 21 on Nov. 1st!! Hope you had a blast...well, I'm pretty sure you did, cuz you told me the next morning you were SOOO hung over!!! Alright now! DO IT BIG!

Happy Birthday to Little Elliot, my god brother (Nov. 8th)! He's either going to be 11 or 12 this year, I'm thinking 12 tho. I remember when he was a baby!!! Hope you have a grat one, boo!

Happy Birthday to Janay C. (Nov. 10th), an old childhood friend who will be leaving her teens this year and turning 20!!

Happy Birthday Hanae, one of my DIAMONDS! She turns 19 on Nov. 13th. Have a GREAT one girl!

Happy Birthday to Jaenelle who turns 20 on Nov. 19th. She's a sweet heart! Enjoy your day!!!

Last but not least, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CHRIS J. and JESSYCA!! They both turn 20 on Nov. 30th! We'll make sure Jessyca does it big, but hope Chris has a fantabulous day!!!

Happy birthday to a special someone who also celebrates his b-day in November. Hope your day is blessed!!! *wink*

This rounds off my b-day well-wishes! I shall holla in a few! ONE

I AM SOOOO SORRY

Hey y'all...I wanna apologize for the TOTAL neglegence and lack of posts in the month of October. SO much has been going on and I have TRULY been busy. This month promises not to be any better, so I want to write at least something while this month is just starting (and it's the weekend). Okay so all that stuff I told y'all I was gonna tell ya...won't be able. It's just too much and too far gone to even try to BEGIN to explain. I will say that the fam came up last weekend for the MAGIC CITY CLASSIC (ASU vs. AAMU) and I had a really fun time. I went to the Continental for the first time and I got to stay at the Double Tree Hotel.

From what my friends are telling me, they had a lot of fun back on campus as well. I'm glad.
Lately I've just been really busy with school work, not too much time for social activities til the weekend. This week coming up is gonna be a HOT MESS, not looking foward to it. I'm an officer of Alpha Lambda Delta Honor Society, a member of the Minority Scholars Program, a member of the Camille Armstrong Memorial Scholarship Stepshow Committee, and I'm attempting to be apart of UAB's chapter of NAACP. On top of that I am in the Gospel Choir and I decided to do Angel Tree for this little girl this year. So yeah, I got a lot goin on, plus the regular academic stuff...and we can register for classes this week too, so I'm stressed about that. Not only do I need to meet with Nate (my advisor) to talk about classes, but we also need to discuss and do my graduation plan and write down the classes I've taken since I started college...WHOOOOOOO...*sigh*

But with every dark cloud there is a silver lining...that silver lining for me is more than likely always going to be some boy...but in this case...a BONAFIDE GROWN ASS MAN!!! I am SOOO happy....and we're not even dating or really talking. He just randomly friended and messaged me on facebook, and I've been floating ever since. He really has no idea how happy he makes me...just thinking about his NAME puts a smile on my face.

He's the most mature, kindess, most sophisticated, intelligent, Christ-centered young man I have EVER known. I don't have to worry about corrupting him, because I myself am not THAT bad, lol... He really has inspired me to be a better person and a better Christian...the Fabolous and Ne-Yo song really comes into play in this situation.

But anywayz, I'm just going with the flow. I wrote a spoken word piece to express some of the feelings I've been going thru with the whole "man" situation...I'll post it soon.

Roommates are roommates...can barely live with em, but it'd be DULL without em. Happy Late b-day to my roommate and sidemate Kasey!! She's 21 now! Tip one back for me boo, cuz I don't drink! lol...Anyway, this was just a kind of piece-together-the-time post, since I've been absent for a whole month. I will be back asap with the birthday post and with the spoken word piece...and maybe some other stuff.

Oh and Imma try to get holidays up as soon as I can! Alright, luv ya!! I'll HOLLA!!!