I'm sorry...I have to air this shit out cuz it's getting ON MY LAST NERVE!!!! When I tell you that this mess is bothering me...it truly is. Not only does it make me uncomfortable, it upsets me and all I wanna know is why?
I don't wanna see no crying and hear no bitching about why these folks choose to hide this mess. It's not like people don't already know or suspect. Ask anybody and they say, "Go figure", or even, "DUH". Yet you say you don't care...well obviously you do if you're creeping around in the dark, hiding behind facebook saying you're into something that you're REALLY NOT...
I could give two shits if you are a male interested in a male...I really could. What you choose to do in your personal life has no direct affect on me...UNTIL YOU START TO FREAKIN LIE ABOUT IT...THEN I HAVE A PROBLEM. And don't say, "I just don't want people all up in my business..." Buddy, that shit was breeched a long time ago when you chose to act the way you do. MAYBE, some of you can't help the way your voice sounds or the way you walk, or your mannerisms...but some of y'all...DAMN....REALLY?!?! And wanna get mad if somebody asks you, but then turn right around and embrace that shit in the dark.
What's done in the dark will come to the light. Some of you who think you have the wool over our eyes are the one's who are the fools. I promise you, I don't judge you because of your sexuality. All but maybe 3 of you I am EXTREMELY fond of and love you to death and what you do in the bedroom really has no bearings on my life. But please don't try to play me like a shawty...PLEASE!!!
When I say that your lying hurts me, I really mean emotionally, because you and I both know that YOU are not attracted to me. But I see you trying so hard to hold back a comment on how fine another dude is...or who you think is cute. And as much as it hurts you...it's hurting me. Cuz I know that you are fighting a battle within yourself to keep quiet about your true feelings. I KNOW HOW THAT FEELS!!! But that shit is damaging to your health! You don't have to tell me...just stop lying and denying all together tho.
When you hurt, I hurt and that's what friends are for...literally. Even if I'm not your closest friend, if I have a general interest in your well-being, I don't like to see you in pain. I don't get joy out of seeing others in misery or sorrow. But I see your inner turmoil and it's taking a toll on me as well. You smile on the outside DAILY...and have one of the most beautiful smiles, may I add...you all do, but inside I know you hurt like hell.
STOP LYING TO YOURSELF AND OTHERS...is all I'm trying to say. I've seen enough TV to know that it's not easy for you all to take that BIG step (especially some of you), but this is just a plea for a change of mind...for you to think about it, be real with yourself, and just step out on faith in the one you claim to love so much...WHO WILL LOVE YOU IN SPITE OF!!! If family and friends can't understand or don't want to...forget them (again that will be hard). But know that you have one friend that's still on your side!!! Don't let anybody tell you you won't be successful. Keep doing what you do, and again if you believe in the same GOD I believe in, then you have nothing to worry about but judgement day...
This is one of those posts where I could go on and on...but I won't because I feel this isn't the first or last time I will need to revisit this topic...anyway, lemme go...I'm not feeling too well right now...*chunks deuces*
Sunday, November 4, 2007
You're getting on my nerves...
Ummm...Hell naw...
So um, are some of these guys kidding me? Are they seriously going to run around and beg to be chased? In my opinion, none of them (except my object of desire) is worthy enough to be chased. They have the game twisted horribly and need a freakin reality check and some private lessons from some real men. Makes no damn sense how many girls wanna get with these niggas, and all they do is smile and nod...THAT'S IT, and I kid you NOT!!!
When they see girls coming their way that they don't know, or don't hang with regularly, what do they do...? SMILE and M&Fin NOD...a hot mess...I have no time for that.
My parents were old fashioned in their courting. My dad spotted my mom, asked his football coach about her (his football coach was my mom's aunt's baby-daddy), they prolly talked a while and then exchanged digits. I know mama used to tell me daddy would ride over to her house from campus or his apartment ON A BICYCLE and visit her. My mom saw something special in him for doing that...Many men would have been too embarrassed to court on a bike...he could have asked one of his homeboys to drop him off...But all that didn't matter! What mattered is that he wanted the girl...that's ALL that mattered.
These days, the trifling negros I come into contact with on a daily basis are more concerned about their "waves", their jewlery, their cars, and clothes...how many stacks they got and who they're impressing...They want the females they are interested in to be thinking and worrying about the same thing (and we all know females can take that kind of shit to a whole 'nother level). But how the hell is that gonna work out when you got two self-centered materialistic mfers, no one is concerned about the passion and chemistry in the relationship--if that person can treat you right or make you smile...naw...they worried about who gone look the best when they go to the Continental that weekend. GET OFF!!!
I can attest to the fact that this is indeed a rant, but I'm highly disliking what I'm seeing around my campus and around my hometown. Negroes...take a step back and look at some things realisticly. SOMEBODY HAS TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE SUSTAINING AND MAINTAINING OF A RELATIONSHIP...that's why that shit don't ever work!! (Jessyca, here's the answer to your question, boo right here!). Worried about the wrong damn thing!
I was on somebody's myspace the other day, looking at one of those surveys we all like to take. When the part about what he likes in a female came up, most of responses were "hers"...when they asked what kind of body type, he answered "hers", when they asked what eye color he answered "hers"... It was a beautiful thing to see that he is interested in her--FOR HER. She ain't gotta come to him with stacks on deck, she ain't gotta be the flyyest thing walking. If he sees "her" and likes what he sees, then it's all about her. That shit just really touched my soul! And I mean, we all have specificities and ain't nothin wrong with that, technically. But it just boggled my mind that this guy has it all figured out. I believe that survey showed where his mind is at and that he knows how to treat a girl. WHOEVER snags him is going to be one LUCKY ass female! That is a promise.
But yeah, there are more thoughts swimming through my head about this topic, but I think it's about time for me to get ready for church...so I'll HOLLA when I get the chance! ONE!!!
Saturday, November 3, 2007
I thought about it and...
*this is the spoken word piece I was talking about...I wrote it a couple of nights ago when I really got to thinking about some situations I've been thru with guys. This piece is specifically about 3 different guys in 3 different stages or points in my life...Hope you like it!*
Life is too short to pass up opportunities to get to know someone
Life is too short to decide it’s not worth it to smile and say hello
I, myself am tired of wondering “what if”—I really am
I deserve to be happy too
Like she said…I just want someone that I can be happy about seeing everyday
That’s all I want too…
And low and behold, I spot you, take interest and wait
And wait, and wait, and wait, and wait
Throw hints, make remarks
Secretly (so I think) investing so much time on my appearance
“Changing”, in a way, all to impress you
All just to get you to GLANCE my way…
It’s tiring and I cry about it
I beat myself up about it, and wonder why?
What’s wrong with me? How come I can’t get him to see?
Did I ignore your feelings back then?
Was I oblivious to YOUR advances?
I apologize…
Karma’s no joke.
Now you’re happy, and with another…or you were with her all along
Dare I say it
Oh well, nothing I can do about it
“How you get him is how you lose him”
She said that too, and it’s OH SO TRUE
I’m deciding to take it slow
Focus on me, getting my life straight
Making a checklist of things about ME I want to change—for me—this time.
There’s a lot wrong with me, but I never claim to be perfect
Or anywhere near it
I’m vulnerable, shy, sensitive, and a bit paranoid
And…
Yes, I’m boy-crazy
I’ve discovered that’s some of the problem
BOY-CRAZY…yeah…I can be crazy about them, without acting on it
And then it happens.
O….M…G…
Never thought…and wondering how and why
Am I deserving?
Then she asks me, “Why do people receive a blessing and still question God?”
I felt bad, cuz she’s right
He didn’t have to do it, but He did
And now I feel special again, in the context of feeling “liked”
Or whatever
I go with the flow…hoping that the current takes me on a looooooooong journey
With Prince Charming
One that I’m willing to go through the good and the bad for
Maybe that’s the problem right there…Prince…who?
Nevertheless…
It’s amazing and I hope things stay this way for a while
Or better yet progress
I used to like you
Maybe I still do
But damn it, if I can’t get you to see it, let alone understand it…
Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids
And I’m so tired of the games
YOU’VE GOT TO KNOW…really…
You don’t?
It’s not obvious?
Always been afraid of rejection
And seems like you know that
And you’re capitalizing on that
You want me to come out and say it
To tell you how I REALLY feel…
3 words…
WON’T BE ABLE!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOOS!!!!
Happy Birthday Shout-outs are in order for the following special people in my life!!! *note: you are "special" to me if your name gets put on my calendar in my room...if I add you on for a reason, but you only show up for a year...doesn't really mean you're special. There are a few exceptions...*
Happy Birthday to my ROOMMATE KASEY, who turned 21 on Nov. 1st!! Hope you had a blast...well, I'm pretty sure you did, cuz you told me the next morning you were SOOO hung over!!! Alright now! DO IT BIG!
Happy Birthday to Little Elliot, my god brother (Nov. 8th)! He's either going to be 11 or 12 this year, I'm thinking 12 tho. I remember when he was a baby!!! Hope you have a grat one, boo!
Happy Birthday to Janay C. (Nov. 10th), an old childhood friend who will be leaving her teens this year and turning 20!!
Happy Birthday Hanae, one of my DIAMONDS! She turns 19 on Nov. 13th. Have a GREAT one girl!
Happy Birthday to Jaenelle who turns 20 on Nov. 19th. She's a sweet heart! Enjoy your day!!!
Last but not least, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CHRIS J. and JESSYCA!! They both turn 20 on Nov. 30th! We'll make sure Jessyca does it big, but hope Chris has a fantabulous day!!!
Happy birthday to a special someone who also celebrates his b-day in November. Hope your day is blessed!!! *wink*
This rounds off my b-day well-wishes! I shall holla in a few! ONE
I AM SOOOO SORRY
Hey y'all...I wanna apologize for the TOTAL neglegence and lack of posts in the month of October. SO much has been going on and I have TRULY been busy. This month promises not to be any better, so I want to write at least something while this month is just starting (and it's the weekend). Okay so all that stuff I told y'all I was gonna tell ya...won't be able. It's just too much and too far gone to even try to BEGIN to explain. I will say that the fam came up last weekend for the MAGIC CITY CLASSIC (ASU vs. AAMU) and I had a really fun time. I went to the Continental for the first time and I got to stay at the Double Tree Hotel.
From what my friends are telling me, they had a lot of fun back on campus as well. I'm glad.
Lately I've just been really busy with school work, not too much time for social activities til the weekend. This week coming up is gonna be a HOT MESS, not looking foward to it. I'm an officer of Alpha Lambda Delta Honor Society, a member of the Minority Scholars Program, a member of the Camille Armstrong Memorial Scholarship Stepshow Committee, and I'm attempting to be apart of UAB's chapter of NAACP. On top of that I am in the Gospel Choir and I decided to do Angel Tree for this little girl this year. So yeah, I got a lot goin on, plus the regular academic stuff...and we can register for classes this week too, so I'm stressed about that. Not only do I need to meet with Nate (my advisor) to talk about classes, but we also need to discuss and do my graduation plan and write down the classes I've taken since I started college...WHOOOOOOO...*sigh*
But with every dark cloud there is a silver lining...that silver lining for me is more than likely always going to be some boy...but in this case...a BONAFIDE GROWN ASS MAN!!! I am SOOO happy....and we're not even dating or really talking. He just randomly friended and messaged me on facebook, and I've been floating ever since. He really has no idea how happy he makes me...just thinking about his NAME puts a smile on my face.
He's the most mature, kindess, most sophisticated, intelligent, Christ-centered young man I have EVER known. I don't have to worry about corrupting him, because I myself am not THAT bad, lol... He really has inspired me to be a better person and a better Christian...the Fabolous and Ne-Yo song really comes into play in this situation.
But anywayz, I'm just going with the flow. I wrote a spoken word piece to express some of the feelings I've been going thru with the whole "man" situation...I'll post it soon.
Roommates are roommates...can barely live with em, but it'd be DULL without em. Happy Late b-day to my roommate and sidemate Kasey!! She's 21 now! Tip one back for me boo, cuz I don't drink! lol...Anyway, this was just a kind of piece-together-the-time post, since I've been absent for a whole month. I will be back asap with the birthday post and with the spoken word piece...and maybe some other stuff.
Oh and Imma try to get holidays up as soon as I can! Alright, luv ya!! I'll HOLLA!!!
Friday, September 7, 2007
Long-Awaited Tatt Pics...
--Outline of my tat...see the needle on the table back there?
It's on my inner calf...sexy ain't it...it ain't finished yet, boo!
Chell's belly-button ring!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHUNG, KETURAH, and JOCELYN!!!!
DOIN IT BIG!!!
WE'RE DOIN IT "REAL BIG" IN THE MONTH OF SEPTEMBER...Like the "big" changes?? lol...if not, who cares...anywayz
This post is just a quick heads up that I will be devoting most of my afternoon today (9/7) on updating this blog. Sorry for the neglegence and lack of posts...I'm a busy,busy woman. I will be posting the long awaited tatt pics as well as Chell's belly button ring pic. I have a lot to discuss...I have to tell y'all about my roommates, what's goin on with my fam, some shit goin on with some folks back home that is just utterly disturbing....
then to the good...MY NEW SCHOOL YEAR THAT I AM THOROUGHLY ENJOYIN, the FRESHMAN GUYS (they all seem to be fine as hell), "MY GUYS", my secret crushes and more...I'm going to reveal all...sort of...but yeah, stay tuned, man...cuz I got a lot of shit to air out! I may even post my "note" from facebook titled, "Eye Twitch"...whoo...just wait... But anyhoo, I'm headed home to Montgomery tomorrow, so be lookin out for the updates.
P.S. Birthday shout-outs will be posted tomorrow as well :-) (even the belated ones like Phumy). Aight then, it's time for me to turn in now. I have a 10:00 class...I'll HOLLA!
