Sometimes I be thinkin...Blogger Edition Pt. 1--AM I MY HAIR??!?!

SO, I did this thing on facebook a couple of days ago, where I posted my random thoughts for the past previous days...pretty cool responses from my tagged friends. Seems like I've been thinking what a lot of other people have been thinking...at one time or another. In any event, this week has been one of INCREDIBLY LOW LOWS for me...(did I mention I feel like I'm being bitten by fleas as I type this?).

I had a hair crisis a few days ago...I went crazy, blacked out and started taking down my perfectly good kinky twists for no reason at all. I was SOOOOO gorgeous with them. Plus I KNEW I had a big week coming up and a probate to attend...still, something in me snapped and I started taking down my hair.

Now, for those of you who don't know...I was planning on going natural and was/still am in the transition stage. About 1/3 of my hair is natural, the other part is still permed...TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THAT MY HAIR LOOKS A HOTT ASS MESS!!!

I cried...and cried, and was frustrated and scared, and angry, and shaking. I was mad at myself for not thinking before I acted. I was literally contemplating suicide! Now I know y'all are out there like, "Girl, it's just hair"...but Y'ALL! I'm at a cross roads in my life....I grew up with pretty hair (for the most part)...Up until last year, my hair was almost to the middle of my back. The night before my probate, my prophyte cut my hair...and it looked good...and it grew back...

But then, at the end of last year I started getting glue-ins (weaves), and y'all, REAL TALK, I think that beautician CUT my REAL HAIR!!! I have substantial evidence to back up my theory. Since I KNOW that he layered my real hair with the weave, I'm thinking that when he got ready to style (and it was already late in the night, both times), he was probably tired and didn't really take the time out to notice what was MINE and what was WEAVE, therefore cutting off MY HAIR and WEAVE...cuz when I took the shit out I noticed my hair was MUCH shorter than it had been before I started getting weaves. But I kept this to myself, and thought that maybe I was being paranoid...

Well here I stand, nearly 3 months since my last glue-in....scissors have not touched my head (to cut weave in a style) since then...and my hair is SHORTER THAN EVER! I LOOK LIKE A BALD-HEADED WANCH!! My hair doesn't even touch the nape of my neck anymore...

Now don't get me wrong, I haven't had a retouch in almost 4 months (if not longer), so I know that this could be some of the problem, but I still think my hair is seriously damaged. But I realized through my hair crisis that going natural is not for me. I think I got caught up in the hype...but real talk, it takes a strong, determined black woman to do this. AND...YOU GOT TO HAVE THE HEAD FOR THAT SHIT! I am not knocking my natural sisters, but this one girl walking around my campus either does not take a comb to her hair (brush, whatever) or her head is SERIOUSLY mishapen and she might want to consider a relaxer...

But no, I really am jealous of natural women, and one day, Imma get like y'all. I thought it would be cool to try it out in my college years, you know experiment...but I have too much going on in my life right now, and going NATURAL is a lifestyle change, one I'm not quite ready to make.

It would have been perfect for me, because I don't favor heat in my head, and I don't know how to do ANYTHING to my hair, but put it in a pony tail or wear it straight down. That's why hats are my friends and I look damn good in them. But man, yeah...I just had to share that.

My mama has ALWAYS told me (and apparently her mother told her this too), "Your hair is your glory"...boy do I believe that now. I felt like PURE-D-SHIT last night at that probate. My homeboys still treated me the same, everybody still loved me and spoke, but I felt ugly. Hair doesn't make you who you are, but I believe if it's looking right, it definitely gives you self-confidence!! I never want to feel this way about my hair again.

Maybe when I'm 50, retired, and busy writing my 3rd book will I sit down and actually take time out to become a NATURAL woman...Natural hair is beautiful and I envy the women strong enough to rock the locks (and the fro...I LOVE THE FRO!!!)...I dunno...Imma get there one day, ladies...and maybe I just needed some guidance, but I didn't have any...so I'm giving up and going back to hair crack on Tuesday. Don't hate me!