Question Is....Are virgins NOT the bizness anymore??!?

Hopefully this will prove to be a regular segment on STG, but who knows. Life is very sporadic these days, although chock full of drama...

Anywhoo...guess who came back into my life a couple of weeks ago? See previous post. Things didn't go like I had hoped and imagined they would. THAT GIRL was there at his basic training graduation in full effect, like I suspected...whatevs....he got his shit (cell phone, etc) back so now he can make phone calls. He called twice last weekend...

Dude, I just don't know anymore. There is no stand-still...there is no nothing between he and I. We are just friends (especially in his eyes) and I should just accept that shit and move on...

In an attempt to strike conversation last night (we were texting), I asked his opinion on a topic me and some of my homeboys were talking about. They were saying that dudes don't want to fuck with a virgin AT ALL if they don't have to...(basic gist--meaning relationship and/or sex)

I asked what he thought...if he felt like this was true. I said this:

"I remember when virgins used to be hot commodities. Do y'all just not want to deal with them (us)?"

He said:

"Sexually yes. Emotionally no."



It spoke volumes to me, but...WTF does that mean? I didn't ask, because I don't want him to think that I care. But he really just killed my hopes of us being together anytime soon and him being my first. SOMEBODY has to endure the "emotions" that come with a virgin, or else she will be one for the rest of her life. Whatever happened to a guy thinking that you are so special that he WANTS to be your first? I understand that he doesn't want the drama...but, shit! He basically told me in so many words that he doesn't want to deal with me because of my virginal status...I will admit that I tried to get him to commit to me before I would give him the pussy (and it failed), but am I wrong for wanting my first time to be special and the fruition of a committed relationship? Guess so. In his defense, maybe I'm SOOOOO special that he doesn't want to hurt me...doesn't want to be the cause of any emotional distress I might experience after the fact. He doesn't want to be the face behind my regrets (if I have any)...maybe that's what it is.

My emotions fucked me up that night. His whole demeanor changed after I told him that the pussy was for committed situations only. I sensed that shit immediately.

Emotionally, virgins (maybe even the girl who's virginity you took) can be unstable and clingy. I know that I wanted to give myself to him...first, if not forever. I know that I didn't plan on sharing him after that...you know? Guess he still tryna sew his royal oats. Can't fault him, cuz he's still hella young.

I just pray he doesn't come around after I've lost my virginity to someone else, looking for a second chance. Not only will I be a beast in the bedroom, but also a cold, heartless, calculating, CNB-attitude....bitch!

He don't wanna see me!

OUT

p.s. future posts such as these will be short and to the point with question and responses.

Sometimes I be thinkin...Blogger Edition Pt. 1--AM I MY HAIR??!?!

SO, I did this thing on facebook a couple of days ago, where I posted my random thoughts for the past previous days...pretty cool responses from my tagged friends. Seems like I've been thinking what a lot of other people have been thinking...at one time or another. In any event, this week has been one of INCREDIBLY LOW LOWS for me...(did I mention I feel like I'm being bitten by fleas as I type this?).

I had a hair crisis a few days ago...I went crazy, blacked out and started taking down my perfectly good kinky twists for no reason at all. I was SOOOOO gorgeous with them. Plus I KNEW I had a big week coming up and a probate to attend...still, something in me snapped and I started taking down my hair.

Now, for those of you who don't know...I was planning on going natural and was/still am in the transition stage. About 1/3 of my hair is natural, the other part is still permed...TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THAT MY HAIR LOOKS A HOTT ASS MESS!!!

I cried...and cried, and was frustrated and scared, and angry, and shaking. I was mad at myself for not thinking before I acted. I was literally contemplating suicide! Now I know y'all are out there like, "Girl, it's just hair"...but Y'ALL! I'm at a cross roads in my life....I grew up with pretty hair (for the most part)...Up until last year, my hair was almost to the middle of my back. The night before my probate, my prophyte cut my hair...and it looked good...and it grew back...

But then, at the end of last year I started getting glue-ins (weaves), and y'all, REAL TALK, I think that beautician CUT my REAL HAIR!!! I have substantial evidence to back up my theory. Since I KNOW that he layered my real hair with the weave, I'm thinking that when he got ready to style (and it was already late in the night, both times), he was probably tired and didn't really take the time out to notice what was MINE and what was WEAVE, therefore cutting off MY HAIR and WEAVE...cuz when I took the shit out I noticed my hair was MUCH shorter than it had been before I started getting weaves. But I kept this to myself, and thought that maybe I was being paranoid...

Well here I stand, nearly 3 months since my last glue-in....scissors have not touched my head (to cut weave in a style) since then...and my hair is SHORTER THAN EVER! I LOOK LIKE A BALD-HEADED WANCH!! My hair doesn't even touch the nape of my neck anymore...

Now don't get me wrong, I haven't had a retouch in almost 4 months (if not longer), so I know that this could be some of the problem, but I still think my hair is seriously damaged. But I realized through my hair crisis that going natural is not for me. I think I got caught up in the hype...but real talk, it takes a strong, determined black woman to do this. AND...YOU GOT TO HAVE THE HEAD FOR THAT SHIT! I am not knocking my natural sisters, but this one girl walking around my campus either does not take a comb to her hair (brush, whatever) or her head is SERIOUSLY mishapen and she might want to consider a relaxer...

But no, I really am jealous of natural women, and one day, Imma get like y'all. I thought it would be cool to try it out in my college years, you know experiment...but I have too much going on in my life right now, and going NATURAL is a lifestyle change, one I'm not quite ready to make.

It would have been perfect for me, because I don't favor heat in my head, and I don't know how to do ANYTHING to my hair, but put it in a pony tail or wear it straight down. That's why hats are my friends and I look damn good in them. But man, yeah...I just had to share that.

My mama has ALWAYS told me (and apparently her mother told her this too), "Your hair is your glory"...boy do I believe that now. I felt like PURE-D-SHIT last night at that probate. My homeboys still treated me the same, everybody still loved me and spoke, but I felt ugly. Hair doesn't make you who you are, but I believe if it's looking right, it definitely gives you self-confidence!! I never want to feel this way about my hair again.

Maybe when I'm 50, retired, and busy writing my 3rd book will I sit down and actually take time out to become a NATURAL woman...Natural hair is beautiful and I envy the women strong enough to rock the locks (and the fro...I LOVE THE FRO!!!)...I dunno...Imma get there one day, ladies...and maybe I just needed some guidance, but I didn't have any...so I'm giving up and going back to hair crack on Tuesday. Don't hate me!

Well...

And you better enjoy it, cuz it's the ONLY ONE in the year 20-OH EIGHT! I really want to go see The Happening, but I don't know if monetary funds will permit that...I hope no real mischief occurs in my city tonight...got enough problems in the GUMP as it is.

In other news, can someone explain to me the difference between an "understanding" and a "relationship"? They are MOST definitely not the same thing in my opinion, but "he" thinks so...

Any discourse on the matter would be greatly appreciated. Anyhoo...today...this weekend...a DRAG! Pray that I make it through with my mind in tact. I'm mentally exhausted, on mental overload. Today, I honestly just want to stay at home, put on some Erykah and Kindred Soul and RELAX! But I told some friends I would hang out tonight...MISTAKE! And if I don't chill this weekend...when will I be able to? That picnic is next week...*sigh* Jesus be a mediator!

But yeah, hoping I have more to say as the day goes on, but that may not come into fruition, I'm just ready to go home...but not to those dirty dishes. *SIGH*

Lord, get me through the day!

What do you do when they try to come back?

They being friends you have become disenchanted or estranged with. Do you accept them back with open arms, or do you turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to their pleas of forgiveness? Naw, this ain't a two-way street. I'm speaking strictly on, if a "friend" does YOU wrong, realizes the error of THEIR ways, and decides to come back...what do you do then?

This situation has presented itself to, not me (as of late), but my bf. And I commend her for the way she's been handling the issue since it first arose. She was definitely the mature one, in all aspects, and even today the disenchanted friend offered his sincerest apologies for being immature.

I asked her when things first broke out what would she do if he should come back and apologize for his behavior. She simply said that she didn't know. This situation was not cut-and-dry and the whole thing REALLY hurt my bf. She was furious that someone she called a good friend and brother could turn on her in an instance over another female....

They are in the process of straightening things out, but we all KNOW that things will never be the same between them, and they will probably never really feel comfortable around each other. What's done is done, and has become past issues. Me and CT are one in the same that we don't necessarily hold grudges--but we do. We tend to never forget how someone treats us (good or bad), especially a "friend".

And this leads me to my next question....Can men and women be "just friends"? Now I have seen this issue discussed and debated many times over different message boards, blogs, and real-life social settings. But I never interject, because until recently, I had never had an opinion on the topic. After what happened to my bf...I think about it often. Can you be just friends with someone of the opposite sex? Without complicating things and saying, "Well we were attracted to each other at one point and tried to talk, but it didn't work, and blah blah blah..."--I mean can you truly, honestly, be in a FRIENDS ONLY SITUATION with a member of the opposite sex?

My opinion is of course...yes and no.

Yes--because there are some people that God brings into your life to make you smile, forget about your troubles, and talk to, but only for a season. There have been a lot of guys in my life that I saw as just friends. Whether they like/liked me then/now is irrelevant. I guess they figure if they can't have me romantically, they'll settle for friendship. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

No--because (this is more complicated) Most times than none you and a guy/girl have been or are attracted to each other...shit, that's why you went over and spoke in the first place! And no matter what, in the midst of taking another's hand in commitment, the attraction will still linger on and has the potential to fuck up a good relationship.

There is this guy that likes to call himself my "brother". How we became friends is WEIRD and fucked up (to me), because it was on some stalkerish shit. We were at a summer camp our church was holding and there was this guy that I really liked. The dude had BEEN asked for my number, and I gave it to him. One night, I get a call from a number I didn't recognize (I was still answering those back then), and low-and-behold, it's the "brother" dude. I was shocked and appalled because I don't find him attractive at all, and we're not even on the same level! I was mad and asked him, "How did you get my number?" and he's like the dude I liked gave it to him...

Y'all know I called HIS ass and cussed him out right? You don't give my number out like that!! And the mofo was just laughing his head off, it was so funny to him. He knew that at the time, I found the other boy to be VERY annoying! Anyway, I felt like, for the "brother" dude to go through all this trouble to get my number without even notifying me, he must like me or something. And I really think he did. He would talk about girls, and about me "hooking him up" with friends, but now I see that this was just a ploy to throw his scent off my trail. He didn't wanna come off as too interested, as his homeboy had already made waves with me.

Needless to say, he continued to vigillantly pursue me, I guess as just a friend (one day he called me 16 times in the span of about 5 hrs) and he got no--where because I was annoyed as hell with him. And to this day, he is just a friend. He still looks the same, acts the same, is THE SAME. He has accepted that I didn't and don't want him like that, and I have accepted that if he can't have me in love, to at least let him be my friend. I have grown fond of him and can stand him calling 3 times a day sometimes. He started calling me his little sister around 11th grade year, and we rolled with it. He has no choice but to be my friend if he wants me in his life...cuz I can't give him anything else.

But then there's the other side of the token (which I will try to be brief about, but I could write a book). Guys that YOU like that YOU have to settle being friends with (grrr,*sigh*). It happens to me quite frequently, but I'll get over it. Going into detail causes me great emotional pain, so I'm gonna leave it alone and just say that, through all of MY disappointments with guys, I know that as Brittni says, "God has something for me that's gone blow "us" out the water". I can't wait to see and know who that is, but I obviously have no choice, so I will let it be.

I have to continue to do me, regardless...I believe he's right around the corner in the next phase of my life...we'll just have to wait and see...:-)

What Would Brian Boitano Do?

Shit, i don't know...but I sure love that song, and the movie it hails from, South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut! My cousin has the DVD and I remember one weekend, watching it at least twice a day. I ALSO LOOOVE the song "Uncle Fucka"...man you'd have to hear it to understand...but I was just humming the Brian Boitano song in my head over here at work, and decided I'd look up the name "Boitano"...sounds kinda French. So anyhoo...his name doesn't mean anything, but until today, I can honestly say i didn't know he was a real person...He's actually an AWESOME figure skater, and he's not bad looking, either! Big ups to Brian Boitano! But anyway, here's the lyrics to "What would Brian Boitano Do"...


What would Brian Boitano do
If he was here right now,
He'd make a plan And he'd follow through,
That's what Brian Boitano'd do.


When Brian Boitano was in the olympics,
Skating for the gold,
He did two sow cows and a triple lutz,
While wearing a blind fold.

When Brian Boitano was in the alps,
Fighting grizzly bears,
He used his magical fire breath,
And saved the maidens fair.

So what would Brian Boitano do
If he were here today,
I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two,
That's what Brian Boitano'd do.

I want this V-chip out of me,
It has stunted my vo-ca-bu-lar-y.

And I just want my Mom
To stop fighting everyone

For Wendy I'll be an activist, too,
Cuz that's what Brian Boitano would do.

And what would Brian Boitano do,
He'd call all the kids in town,
And tell them to unite for truth
That's what Brian Boitano would do.

When Brian Boitano travelled through time
To the year 3010,
He fought the evil robot king
And saved the human race again

And when Brian Boitano built the pyramids,
He beat up Kublia Khan
Cuz Brian Boitano doesn't take shit from an-y-body

So lets all get together,
And unite to stop our Mom's
And we'll save Terrance and Phillip too,
Cuz that's what Brian Boitano do.

And we'll save Terrance and Phillip too,
Cuz that's what Brian Boitano dooooooo,
That's what Brian Boitano do.

I think it's funny how the creators of South Park, took an ordinary person (not literally, but technically), and made him into some kind of a super hero, fighting for the human race, and inspiring little kids everywhere...I LAUGH everytime I see this movie. An honorable mention for Favorite song from the soundtrack goes to, "It's Easy, M'Kay", sung by the nonchalant, monotone teacher Mr. Mackey...

Anyway, I'll take my leave now and come back later...have to go check out my favorite blogs and message boards and see who's talking shit now! HOLLA!